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Re: One Foot in Grave Forum

Posted: Mon 31 Jul, 2017 4:48 pm
by innsaneink
eyewonder wrote:
Sun 23 Jul, 2017 3:18 pm
recently an older couple passed away in sad circumstances in the palm beach area.The carer died and her partner later died of malnutrition.
this prompted the police investigating officer to make a public plea for people to be aware of older people in the community who struggle with outside communication.
The couple were pre war babies and not baby boomers as some forumers,like myself, who log on to this forum are .
The police officer believed that adults who struggled through the war became resililient,resourceful
and community minded.As a baby boomer we all got to enjoy the golf clubs,rsls,memorial halls and parks that were created by the pre war generation.
Their generation didnt become social forumers .They relied on face to face communication- getting their groceries from the corner shops and having their social contacts in this manner.
The police officer went on to issue a plea for people to be aware of older people and check in on them every now and then.Seems like a simple thing to do.
Technology has really eroded a lot of social intereaction, ATM machines replacing bank tellers, Self seve checkouts at the supermarket, news online replacing newsagents..& on & on it goes.
I work with a young bloke who cannot hold an eye to eye conversation, he has his phone in his hand constantly and his companion at lunchtime is the powerpoint to charge it...I ignore him whenever possible because he ignores the rest of us

Re: One Foot in Grave Forum

Posted: Tue 01 Aug, 2017 12:48 am
by Byron Bay Fan
The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump's health care package:

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!", while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington!

Re: One Foot in Grave Forum

Posted: Sat 12 Aug, 2017 6:17 pm
by InBenjiWeTrust
Branford Marsalis :master:

Re: One Foot in Grave Forum

Posted: Sun 13 Aug, 2017 12:56 pm
by InBenjiWeTrust
Van The Man :master:

Re: One Foot in Grave Forum

Posted: Sun 13 Aug, 2017 1:08 pm
by westTAHger
When possible visit your parents more often.

Re: One Foot in Grave Forum

Posted: Sun 13 Aug, 2017 11:37 pm
by InBenjiWeTrust
Flaco & Ry Cooder

Re: One Foot in Grave Forum

Posted: Tue 15 Aug, 2017 7:53 am
by Byron Bay Fan

I can remember this song being No. 1 when beginning my career as an altar boy.

Re: One Foot in Grave Forum

Posted: Tue 15 Aug, 2017 9:39 am
by Basil Tiger
A Woman's Poem

He didn't like the casserole,
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right,
He didn't like the stew.
I didn't mend his socks,
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer,
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked the s*** out of him...

Like his mother used to do.

On a recent trip to the US and Canada, Prime Minister Kevin Rudd was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nations in Kitimat, B.C. due to his experiences in handling the Australian Indigenous situation.

He spoke for almost an hour on his ideas for increasing every First Nation's present standard of living.

At the conclusion of his speech, the tribes presented the Prime Minister with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.

The proud Rudd then departed with his entourage, waving to the crowd as he left.

A news reporter later asked the chiefs how they came to select the new name given to Rudd.

They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of s***, it can no longer fly.

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit £200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
Default kaBOOM!!
Q. What do Pyongyang and Hiroshima have in common?
A. Nothing, yet.

Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.

Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?
A. A pimp

"Late again!!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Sammy.

"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Crabtree. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"

Now, Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Sammy what he meant by that.

Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.

"You see, Miss Crabtree, out at the ranch we got this here low down coyote. The last few nights, he done ate six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat.

Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to my Ma, "That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!''

"Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!

"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt!

To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double barreled 12 gauge shot gun through the window of the coop."

"As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy.

Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!

MissCrabtree, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!'
40 Aboriginals arrive at the Pearly Gates

St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. 'I've got 40 Aboriginals here. Can I let them in?'

God says 'We are over the quota on Abo’s. Go out and tell them to choose between them which are the 12 most worthy,
and I will let just the dozen in.'

Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again.

'They've gone', he tells God.

'What?' says God, 'All 40 of them?'

'No, the f*&^%$g gates'.
Q. What's the worlds best pick-up line?

A. 'Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?'

You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
Someone in your family died right after saying 'Hey, guys, watch this'.
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your junior prom offered day care.
You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines'.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
When you take the dog for a walk at night, you both use the same tree.