Recent content by Kid

No, I've never wrestled a bear, but I have pulled a splinter from a two-tear-old's finger.

What I say: "No." What kid hears: "Ask again, I didn't hear you."

I love sleep, because its like a time machine to breakfast

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

A friend of mine had a boxer. Lovely little thing, always in the mood to run. She was only 5 but got sick and died

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

All my life I wanted to be somebody. Now I see I should have been more specific.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: They change it more often.