Saw this at another sight. Sounds close to the money
. Gday guys good to be back. Yesterday at Camp Concord and official review took place after another season of despair for Wests Tigers fans. A meeting of the minds. Luckily I bought my tape recorder as security was tight. The review was hard hitting and left blood on the walls. Introducing the characters
The Sheenius - Tim Sheens, otherwise known as the supercoach, the ego or the guru
HUmpty - Hard hitting CEO Steven Humphries
Gnome from Penrith - Royce Simmonds, the man who sells hot water systems
Skando - The conditioning coach who got 60% at tafe
Ronald - Warren Mcdonnell, The recruitment king
Humpdy -"Geez we were unlucky to miss the finals lads. Lets get this review out of the way. Skando you do the minutes.
Skando – I don’t have a tafe degree and you expect me to take minutes. Ronald can do the minutes
Ronald – Ok, but ive got a meeting with Danny Galea in half an hour. He’s off contract and I’m down to my last crayon
Sheenius – He’s the perfect fit, between 40-50 yards a game, from Penrith, a back turned backrower. Chase him up Ronald h was great for us at prop 2 years ago.
Humpdy – SO Tim, What did you make of the season
Sheenius - I don’t want to use excuses Humpty but Ive got reasons. Bloody farah missing that field goal, bloody useless prick. Also the refs had us in for us, we had a massive origin toll of 1 player, and we had our issues and we had to make 17 changes in the halves. Did I mention Farsh missing that field goal that would have got in the top 8?"
Humpty – I didn’t know we had so many excuses, but we still would have finished 9th if Farah kick the field goal Tim
Sheenius – We were robbed against The Roosters too. That video ref call at 32-0 down changed the momentum. There Reasons not excuses Humpty, big difference I don’t make excuses.
Humpty – Yeah lets get that straight when we send out to our members to renew. Ronald do you deserve another contract?
Ronald – Ive been hohning my online poker skills, that’s why I snapped up Braith for 250K from the jaws of the Storm and the Dogs. Reminds me of when I signed Peter Lewis when he was laying bricks, and Johnny Crock our version of Cooper Cronk
Sheenius – Braith can be our Cooper Cronk
Humpty – Good work guys. Briath our Cronk. Lets put that in the membership letters to fans.
Sheenius – Also include my record when coaching the Raiders
HUmpty - "Too true Tim, someone told me you have only made 3 out 15 finals
Sheenius - Wrong, there my bingo numbers, i’m through to the next round this Tuesday at Petersham RSL. You can get a $1lunch
Ronald – I prefer the buffet. Shannon played in the park this year, we need options at fullback. Online poker equates Shannon to a 3 and 5 off suit however Im raising all in.
Humpty - Is that why the team sheets doesn’t come out till 8pm. Roosters have sacked Smith, that’s a harsh move, after only 2 finals misses. they have made some changes"
Sheenius - Yeah we are making changes, i just moved got Royce in to re paint the gym and move the bench press 5 metres to the left"
Ronald – Ive made changes too, instead of making approaches via snail mail. I now use e mail, just got this internet thing up and running
Humpty - What’s Royce doing here, wasn’t he selling hot water systems and at the bistro at Sizzlers?
Sheenius - Ive managed to poach him back here, He is the minister of defence, he could outcoach them all remember
Gnome from Penrith – Ive bought some new fluro witches hats, apparently they glow in the dark. Also got a couple of stories to tell the boys on a Tuesday Night after training at the Croydon hotel
Humpty – Good so that’s 1 motivational speaker… What do you want a 2 year deal Royce ?
Gnome from Penrith – How about 4 with no performances clauses, a couple of free steaks at sizzlers and a 95% payout
Humpty – Done. What about the flying tackle bag I heard about from a few years ago?
Sheenius – I bought it at the antiques markets in Balmain, I was collecting stamps and a couple of old swords ive been looking for since when I coached Penrith in 86. Ill get it back on Monday
Humpty – Good news, your not out of date with the modern game Tim?
Sheenius – I was watching re runs of the 73 Grand final on fox, there’s a couple of scrum plays I think we can use in round 1. Also the place kick for touch, I’m thinking of getting Benj to do a couple of them.
Humpty – Great news, new tactics, new change, new defence coaches. Anything else we need to change in the off season
Gnome from Penrith – Ill need one of those rain ponchos, in case we get one of those sunny days at the SCG again during the warm up
Humpty – So Guys, looks like we’ve revamped everything. 2013 looks great. What happens if we miss the finals again
Sheenius – Well Benji can write his articles in the paper about me. And we can always talk about 2005, that was only a couple of years ago. Don’t they know ive got a 20 year plan
Humpdy – Yeah the media has been far too harsh on us, even some of our fans are writing me e mails about not renewing. Maybe don’t sit on the bench next year Tim, just stay in the stands
Sheenius – Ill get Royce downstairs on the walkie talkie
Gnome from Penrith – Youll have to show me how to work one of those things.
Humpty - Looks like were all safe for another 4 years. What a great review, the fans will be chuffed.
Gnome from Penrith - Just go underground Tim, like we do every year around September for 3 months. Pre season we can send out Benji to do a couple of fluffy media apperances
SHeenius - Great to have you back Royce, did i tell you you could outcoach them all?
Humpdy – What about plans for the pre season Tim
Sheenius – Humpty im going to have to pull you up. In the tropics I demanded to be called Coach Sheens. Lets put that in place for 2013. I don’t like players referring to me as Tim
Humpdy – Sure Coach Sheens. Whats the penalty
Sheenius – Well I don’t drop blokes, so lets just make it a 10K fine which can go towards buying a few new antique pictures to decorate the corridors at Camp Concord. We don’t want to become stale
HUmpdy – You could never accuse us of that Coach Sheens. I recently went and bought a pair of lucky socks to wear to work
Sheenius – The Warriors wanted me but I have stayed loyal. There knocking down my door might be time to restructure that contract of mine again.
Gnome from Penrith – Ive been looking at the tapes I think I can fix our defence, ive bought this new flying fox, we will be looking like Manly in no time
Sheenius – Under Royce our defence will be like Selleys, no more gaps
Gnome from Penrith – (In fits of laughter rolling around the floor)
Sheenius – We need experience, youth cost us at the end of the year, the young winger who looks a bit like Lote, he has a lot to learn
Ronald – Another 2 years in lower grades won’t do him any harm.
Sheenius – Good point Ronald. We lost our way when Senter, Moodie, Sattler and Graham left the club in 2004
Humpty – We won th comp the next year Tim
Sheenius – Forget I said that, but we need Lote for another 2
Humpty – Done. How are those Braith-Cronk membership posters coming along
Ronald – Great, weve got the qupte from Coach Sheens in bold “Braith will be our Cronk” Membership is down 60% though, wonder why?
Gnome From Penrith – Must be the economic downturn, I wouldn’t worry. Throw in a couple of vouchers to Sizzlers. Didn’t we have a barbecue with the boss days, Sheensie where the fans could come around and ask some questions
Sheenius – We took that out after 2009. Fans were calling me Tim, not coach Sheens
Humpty – So how are those game plans coming along Coach Sheens
Sheenius – Ive got this great new ploy, running at markers. Were going to get Heightington to take the 2nd and 4th run of each set and run straight at the markers for a net gain of 2.7 yards
Humpty – And yourself Royce
Gnome from Penrith – Those witches hats we ordered haven’t arrived, ive had to use the new style flat cones, players are coming out of the line, theres more holes then swiss cheese (Royce again in fits of laughter)
Sheenius – Its alright Royce, remember the motto for Round 1 to 20. We wanted to win they had to win.
If you have not read his stuff do your self a favor go on league unlimited forum and search for some of his old stuff,he posts under the name croydon dogfood. Some really funny stuff,has a bit of a cult following on that board,dosnt post often but usually quality and usually based on some very average people in the Nrl world. He is a tigers man so our team gets plenty of attention