Just Jokes

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mike
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Re: Just Jokes

Post by mike » Tue 09 Oct, 2018 11:04 pm

An oldie but hey...

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive, and practicing law or coaching the Wests Tigers
Western Suburbs supporter since 1960 | Balmain junior since 1967 | Wests Tigers supporter since 1999


Nucky Thompson
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Post by Nucky Thompson » Wed 10 Oct, 2018 6:36 am

mike wrote:
Tue 09 Oct, 2018 11:04 pm
An oldie but hey...

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive, and practicing law or coaching the Wests Tigers
Haha didn't that actually happen?

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Geo.
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Post by Geo. » Wed 10 Oct, 2018 6:44 am

What's a mini-bus..?

Half a coach

I'll see myself out..
Ivan's Laws

1. You are either on the Bus or you are off..
2. The Star of the Team is the Team
3. Be the player your teammates want to play with..

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Cultured Bogan
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Post by Cultured Bogan » Wed 10 Oct, 2018 9:30 am

Nucky Thompson wrote:
Wed 10 Oct, 2018 6:36 am
mike wrote:
Tue 09 Oct, 2018 11:04 pm
An oldie but hey...

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive, and practicing law or coaching the Wests Tigers
Haha didn't that actually happen?
It did (sans the Wests Tigers bit,) that was in a book about things seen and said in US courtrooms. Pretty sure it was called disorder in the courts.
#penaltyTigers

Cuando llegue el día, y estoy parado a las puertas del cielo, será Dios pidiendo mi perdón...

Bula
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Post by Bula » Wed 10 Oct, 2018 7:03 pm

Gus rings up Ivan and says "Mate. Are you interested in coming back to coach the Panthers?"
Ivan says "I dunno. What's going on with Nathan?"
Gus says "I'm having a bash at my place on Mad Monday. How about you come over and we'll have a talk about it."
Ivan says "Righto. What time?"
Gus says "About 8 but I've got to warn you about the heavy drinking, the nudity and the rough sex."
Ivan says "I"m not sure I want Nathan to see all that. He's a bit young."
Gus says "Don't worry about that. It's just the two of us going."


Pawsandclaws
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Post by Pawsandclaws » Wed 10 Oct, 2018 7:41 pm

A bloke walks into a bar and says "all lawyers are arseholes"

Another bloke at the end of the bar says "I heard that, I resent it"

The first bloke says "why, are you a lawyer?"

The second bloke replies "no, I'm an arsehole"

Tcat
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Post by Tcat » Wed 10 Oct, 2018 7:54 pm

Bula wrote:
Wed 10 Oct, 2018 7:03 pm
Gus rings up Ivan and says "Mate. Are you interested in coming back to coach the Panthers?"
Ivan says "I dunno. What's going on with Nathan?"
Gus says "I'm having a bash at my place on Mad Monday. How about you come over and we'll have a talk about it."
Ivan says "Righto. What time?"
Gus says "About 8 but I've got to warn you about the heavy drinking, the nudity and the rough sex."
Ivan says "I"m not sure I want Nathan to see all that. He's a bit young."
Gus says "Don't worry about that. It's just the two of us going."
:master: Fittler will be hiding in the wardrobe too I'd bet.

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Harvey
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Post by Harvey » Wed 10 Oct, 2018 8:31 pm

Gus asks Ivan, "If you were on an away trip to NZ, rooming with the general manager of football, and after passing out drunk in the room you woke up with a sore butt and a used prophylactic in the bed, would you tell anyone".
Ivan, "No, of course not".
Gould, "Sacking you was a mistake, when can you come back?"

TheDaBoss
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Post by TheDaBoss » Thu 11 Oct, 2018 8:57 pm

The show 'The Magic School Bus' was drastically shut down after Ivan Cleary crashed it

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Cairnstigers
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Post by Cairnstigers » Thu 11 Oct, 2018 9:59 pm

I heard Gus was seen carrying a bag while chasing after a bus the other day
And it just so happened to be that Ivan was Driving it
Apparently Gus tried to enter via the back door so Cleary let him in but his bag had to stay out as there was no room left in the bus

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