Funny Photos and Jokes

[BZN]


Id be a member if the tigers did this

I’d buy you a membership if the Tigers did this .

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems.
But then again neither does milk.

Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's far to dark to read!

I have been having a bout of persistent aching in my left leg , so I finally went to a Dr. just yesterday.
He gave me a thorough check over and poked and prodded. Then he said to me "there doesn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary there so it's probably caused by advancing age" (that's a polite way of saying I'm getting old) .
I thought about what the Dr. had said and I said " I really can't accept that diagnosis as there's nothing wrong with the other leg and that's the same age!".

So many people are judgmental these days.
I can tell, just by looking at them!

One of life's greatest disappointments.
Liars pants dont catch on fire!.

 

[Aesopian]


Slimey scum will never win another premiership

 

[BZN]


Id be a member if the tigers did this

I’d buy you a membership if the Tigers did this .

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems.
But then again neither does milk.

Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's far to dark to read!

I have been having a bout of persistent aching in my left leg , so I finally went to a Dr. just yesterday.
He gave me a thorough check over and poked and prodded. Then he said to me "there doesn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary there so it's probably caused by advancing age" (that's a polite way of saying I'm getting old) .
I thought about what the Dr. had said and I said " I really can't accept that diagnosis as there's nothing wrong with the other leg and that's the same age!".

So many people are judgmental these days.
I can tell, just by looking at them!

One of life's greatest disappointments.
Liars pants dont catch on fire!.

An elderly couple who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a fair while.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently" she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered...
"is that one word or two?"

 

[BZN]


Id be a member if the tigers did this

I’d buy you a membership if the Tigers did this .

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems.
But then again neither does milk.

Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's far to dark to read!

I have been having a bout of persistent aching in my left leg , so I finally went to a Dr. just yesterday.
He gave me a thorough check over and poked and prodded. Then he said to me "there doesn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary there so it's probably caused by advancing age" (that's a polite way of saying I'm getting old) .
I thought about what the Dr. had said and I said " I really can't accept that diagnosis as there's nothing wrong with the other leg and that's the same age!".

So many people are judgmental these days.
I can tell, just by looking at them!

One of life's greatest disappointments.
Liars pants dont catch on fire!.

An elderly couple who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a fair while.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently" she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered...
"is that one word or two?"

My mate was telling me he's a bit narked with his wife.
I asked him what the trouble was.
He told me "I was watching a boxing match on tv the other night and one of the idiots was knocked out in
the 1st round.
I said "bugger, the fight was over in 40 seconds".
Then she looks at me with this smarmy look and says
"now you know how I feel!".

 

[BZN]


Id be a member if the tigers did this

I’d buy you a membership if the Tigers did this .

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems.
But then again neither does milk.

Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's far to dark to read!

I have been having a bout of persistent aching in my left leg , so I finally went to a Dr. just yesterday.
He gave me a thorough check over and poked and prodded. Then he said to me "there doesn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary there so it's probably caused by advancing age" (that's a polite way of saying I'm getting old) .
I thought about what the Dr. had said and I said " I really can't accept that diagnosis as there's nothing wrong with the other leg and that's the same age!".

So many people are judgmental these days.
I can tell, just by looking at them!

One of life's greatest disappointments.
Liars pants dont catch on fire!.

An elderly couple who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a fair while.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently" she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered...
"is that one word or two?"

My mate was telling me he's a bit narked with his wife.
I asked him what the trouble was.
He told me "I was watching a boxing match on tv the other night and one of the idiots was knocked out in
the 1st round.
I said "bugger, the fight was over in 40 seconds".
Then she looks at me with this smarmy look and says
"now you know how I feel!".

I told my mate I used to watch my wife making dinner.
It was funny to watch as she would bring over one item at a time while she was cooking.
I pointed out to her it was making her cooking time longer doing it that way.
My mate said "what did she say to that?"
"not much, now I do the dinner 10 mins quicker!"

 

[BZN]


Id be a member if the tigers did this

I’d buy you a membership if the Tigers did this .

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems.
But then again neither does milk.

Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's far to dark to read!

I have been having a bout of persistent aching in my left leg , so I finally went to a Dr. just yesterday.
He gave me a thorough check over and poked and prodded. Then he said to me "there doesn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary there so it's probably caused by advancing age" (that's a polite way of saying I'm getting old) .
I thought about what the Dr. had said and I said " I really can't accept that diagnosis as there's nothing wrong with the other leg and that's the same age!".

So many people are judgmental these days.
I can tell, just by looking at them!

One of life's greatest disappointments.
Liars pants dont catch on fire!.

An elderly couple who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a fair while.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently" she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered...
"is that one word or two?"

My mate was telling me he's a bit narked with his wife.
I asked him what the trouble was.
He told me "I was watching a boxing match on tv the other night and one of the idiots was knocked out in
the 1st round.
I said "bugger, the fight was over in 40 seconds".
Then she looks at me with this smarmy look and says
"now you know how I feel!".

I told my mate I used to watch my wife making dinner.
It was funny to watch as she would bring over one item at a time while she was cooking.
I pointed out to her it was making her cooking time longer doing it that way.
My mate said "what did she say to that?"
"not much, now I do the dinner 10 mins quicker!"

A cranky old bloke had a stay in hospital.
He was very grumpy about being there and gave all the staff and nurses a hard time.
One afternoon during visiting hours, a nurse told him she had to take his temp. but it had to be done rectally.
So she rolled him over and stuck it in his backside.
She then said she would be back in a minute and went out leaving his door open.
After a while and a number of visitors walking past his room, one lady stopped and looked in.
The grumpy old bloke said "what's the matter, haven't you seen someone's temp. taken this way before?"
"yes...but not with a daffodil!"

 

[BZN]


Id be a member if the tigers did this

I’d buy you a membership if the Tigers did this .

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems.
But then again neither does milk.

Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's far to dark to read!

I have been having a bout of persistent aching in my left leg , so I finally went to a Dr. just yesterday.
He gave me a thorough check over and poked and prodded. Then he said to me "there doesn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary there so it's probably caused by advancing age" (that's a polite way of saying I'm getting old) .
I thought about what the Dr. had said and I said " I really can't accept that diagnosis as there's nothing wrong with the other leg and that's the same age!".

So many people are judgmental these days.
I can tell, just by looking at them!

One of life's greatest disappointments.
Liars pants dont catch on fire!.

An elderly couple who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a fair while.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently" she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered...
"is that one word or two?"

My mate was telling me he's a bit narked with his wife.
I asked him what the trouble was.
He told me "I was watching a boxing match on tv the other night and one of the idiots was knocked out in
the 1st round.
I said "bugger, the fight was over in 40 seconds".
Then she looks at me with this smarmy look and says
"now you know how I feel!".

I told my mate I used to watch my wife making dinner.
It was funny to watch as she would bring over one item at a time while she was cooking.
I pointed out to her it was making her cooking time longer doing it that way.
My mate said "what did she say to that?"
"not much, now I do the dinner 10 mins quicker!"

A cranky old bloke had a stay in hospital.
He was very grumpy about being there and gave all the staff and nurses a hard time.
One afternoon during visiting hours, a nurse told him she had to take his temp. but it had to be done rectally.
So she rolled him over and stuck it in his backside.
She then said she would be back in a minute and went out leaving his door open.
After a while and a number of visitors walking past his room, one lady stopped and looked in.
The grumpy old bloke said "what's the matter, haven't you seen someone's temp. taken this way before?"
"yes...but not with a daffodil!"

You know, political correctness and everything, is getting such, that it wont be long before I cant make fun of myself without offending someone else!.

 

[BZN]


Id be a member if the tigers did this

I’d buy you a membership if the Tigers did this .

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems.
But then again neither does milk.

Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's far to dark to read!

I have been having a bout of persistent aching in my left leg , so I finally went to a Dr. just yesterday.
He gave me a thorough check over and poked and prodded. Then he said to me "there doesn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary there so it's probably caused by advancing age" (that's a polite way of saying I'm getting old) .
I thought about what the Dr. had said and I said " I really can't accept that diagnosis as there's nothing wrong with the other leg and that's the same age!".

So many people are judgmental these days.
I can tell, just by looking at them!

One of life's greatest disappointments.
Liars pants dont catch on fire!.

An elderly couple who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a fair while.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently" she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered...
"is that one word or two?"

My mate was telling me he's a bit narked with his wife.
I asked him what the trouble was.
He told me "I was watching a boxing match on tv the other night and one of the idiots was knocked out in
the 1st round.
I said "bugger, the fight was over in 40 seconds".
Then she looks at me with this smarmy look and says
"now you know how I feel!".

I told my mate I used to watch my wife making dinner.
It was funny to watch as she would bring over one item at a time while she was cooking.
I pointed out to her it was making her cooking time longer doing it that way.
My mate said "what did she say to that?"
"not much, now I do the dinner 10 mins quicker!"

A cranky old bloke had a stay in hospital.
He was very grumpy about being there and gave all the staff and nurses a hard time.
One afternoon during visiting hours, a nurse told him she had to take his temp. but it had to be done rectally.
So she rolled him over and stuck it in his backside.
She then said she would be back in a minute and went out leaving his door open.
After a while and a number of visitors walking past his room, one lady stopped and looked in.
The grumpy old bloke said "what's the matter, haven't you seen someone's temp. taken this way before?"
"yes...but not with a daffodil!"

You know, political correctness and everything, is getting such, that it wont be long before I cant make fun of myself without offending someone else!.

I asked my mate a while back did he play much sport when he was young.
He scratched his head and said "Nah, I wasn't into push ups and sit ups....but piss-ups...definitely into them!

 

[gallagher]

I got sick of cats getting into my backyard so i put up electric fences.

My neighbour is dead against it.

 

[Lauren]

Just had this sent to me:

BREAKING
Do not let them take your temperature when going into the store! It's a scam! They're erasing your memory! I went in for bread and milk and came out with six bottles of wine.