Things that make you laugh!! 😂

[Suzie-Q]

Yesterday I bought an old Elvis Presley record at our local market. It was called “Wooden Leg.”

I said to the stall holder, “I thought it was called “Wooden Heart?”

He said, “Yes, it is, but this is a pirate copy.”

 

[tiger_one]

Yesterday I bought an old Elvis Presley record at our local market. It was called “Wooden Leg.”

I said to the stall holder, “I thought it was called “Wooden Heart?”

He said, “Yes, it is, but this is a pirate copy.”

Reminds me champion @Suzie-Q - my mate built a wooden car.
Then it wooden' go!

 

[TopTiger]

Went on a first date last night with a young lady that works at Taronga Zoo, she's a keeper!

 

[TopTiger]

I got fired from my Bank Teller job today. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her!

 

[tiger_one]

I stayed up all night trying to remember if I have insomnia or amnesia.

 

[Spartan117]

Great thread.

 

[twentyforty]

Great thread.

Because it keeps you in stitches?

 

[TopTiger]

I was seriously injured when competing in the National Hide & Seek final, unfortunately I was eliminated when taken to the ICU.

 

[tiger_one]

Never discuss infinity with a mathematician.
They can go on about it forever.

 

[cktiger]

I was seriously injured when competing in the National Hide & Seek final, unfortunately I was eliminated when taken to the ICU.

 

[hank37w]

Good respectful kid doing what his Grandma tells him.

 

[TCL]

A man says to his wife of 35yrs, “honey I’m going up to the shops back in an hour, remember you are not to look into my safe”. The wife after all these years couldnt control her self any longer looked in to find $40k and 3 eggs. When her husband got home she felt guilty and confessed to looking in the safe and asked “honey why is there 3 eggs in the safe?” He replied ”because you have been so honest I’m going to be honest and tell you, when we got married I decided to put an egg in the safe for every time I was unfaithful”. The wife was upset but consoled her self and said “well after 35 years I guess 3 isn’t that bad, but where did you get the $40k? The husband replied “well every time I got to a dozen I sold them”.

I’ll show my self out.

 

[Tito Santana]

Just google - funny Joe Biden videos or people falling over. Fidel Castro is my favourite.

 

[Halbrowne61]

What about the Irish doctor who had been working very hard and decided to have a long weekend away.
Rather than pay for a Locum he asks his good friend Paddy to keep an eye on things while he’s away.
So off he goes not sure how it will pan out. When he returns on Monday he meets Paddy for a coffee and an update.
Paddy said it was very quiet and only 3 patients came to see him. The first was old lady with bad headaches so he suggested Paracetamol . The doc said well done, exactly the right thing to give her, and what about the others.
Paddy tells him the second patient was a gentleman who had very bad heartburn, so paddy recommended antacid powder. Excellent said the doc, exactly what I would have done.
Now what about the third patient. Well Paddy said that was quite different. A young 30 something woman burst into his office and started furiously taking her clothes off, whilst ranting “oh dear lord I haven’t seen a man for 5 years”. Within minutes she was naked and repeating this over and over. The doc was startled and said to Paddy, well what did you do for her ?
I recommended eye drops !!

 

[Bula]

 

[tiger_one]

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with tennis - and I'm too old.
I said: "I'm only 40 love."

 

[tiger_one]

In Liverpool, UK, all flights at the John Lennon Airport are grounded.
Imagine all the people.

 

[TopTiger]

Last night my obese parrot died, fortunately it was a huge weight off my shoulders.

 

[Don Kershane]

Aaron Woods seems to have become the face of the NRL in Las Vegas.

 

[Halbrowne61]

Aaron Woods seems to have become the face of the NRL in Las Vegas.

Omg, somebody stop that !