A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mum on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mum sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mum and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mum, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
Jokes,Jokes & More Jokes
- Thread starter Aladinsane
- Start date
westTAHger
Well-known member
Why did the school of tuna, fish swiming north from sydney stop at townsville?
They didn't want to end up in Cairns. ( cans)
They didn't want to end up in Cairns. ( cans)
Juro
Well-known member
News came to Sherwood Forest that Maid Marion was being held captive by the Sheriff of Nottingham. Robin Hood gathered his merry men around, and they all began work on a plan to rescue her.
"We'll wear disguises, and sneak into the castle" said Robin.
"But we should also come up with names to call each other, so the guards won't know it's us." suggested Little John.
"Great idea, John" said Robin. "You can all call me Hobin Rood.
"And Little John will be Jittle Lohn…
"And Will Scarlet will be Scill Warlett...
"And Friar Tuck will stay right here!"
"We'll wear disguises, and sneak into the castle" said Robin.
"But we should also come up with names to call each other, so the guards won't know it's us." suggested Little John.
"Great idea, John" said Robin. "You can all call me Hobin Rood.
"And Little John will be Jittle Lohn…
"And Will Scarlet will be Scill Warlett...
"And Friar Tuck will stay right here!"
An Aussie a pommy and an Irishman were sitting in the pub all dreary and miserable….
The Aussie says to the other two,I think my wife is having an affair with a footballer..what makes you say that said the Pommy...Aussie says I found a pair of football boots and shoulder pads under my bed...I don't play football....
Pommy says,well while we're at it,I think my wife is having an affair with a cricketer...what makes you say that said the Irishman...pommy says I looked under my bed the other day and found a cricket bat and ball...I don't play cricket...
Irishman says while we're at it I think my wife is having an affair with a horse....what the hell makes you say that said the Aussie and Pommy....Irishman says I looked under my bed the other day and out jumped Paddy O'Halloran,Ireland's leading jockey......,
The Aussie says to the other two,I think my wife is having an affair with a footballer..what makes you say that said the Pommy...Aussie says I found a pair of football boots and shoulder pads under my bed...I don't play football....
Pommy says,well while we're at it,I think my wife is having an affair with a cricketer...what makes you say that said the Irishman...pommy says I looked under my bed the other day and found a cricket bat and ball...I don't play cricket...
Irishman says while we're at it I think my wife is having an affair with a horse....what the hell makes you say that said the Aussie and Pommy....Irishman says I looked under my bed the other day and out jumped Paddy O'Halloran,Ireland's leading jockey......,
Tuiaki_Chicken_Wings
New member
Not sure if this has been on the forum before but I would love to hear some jokes that fellow forum members may have!! I'm not one for telling them as I am really poor with doing so but I do love to hear/read them.
tig_prmz
Well-known member
@aladinsane
Aladinsane
New member
After watching that pitiful performance at Leichhardt yesterday ….the Off season has started ...
\
\
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I put a box under the bed. Promise me you will never look in it.
"In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked; however, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her, and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.
In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed.
Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents.
That evening they were out for a special anniversary dinner after which she confessed, saying, "I'm so sorry, Bill. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. Now I just have to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked but thought, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula, and Monica. Since I know he is addicted to sex, three times is not too bad."
She said, "OK, Bill, I guess I can forgive you."
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.
A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"
"He answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to a recycling center."
\
\
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I put a box under the bed. Promise me you will never look in it.
"In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked; however, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her, and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.
In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed.
Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents.
That evening they were out for a special anniversary dinner after which she confessed, saying, "I'm so sorry, Bill. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. Now I just have to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked but thought, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula, and Monica. Since I know he is addicted to sex, three times is not too bad."
She said, "OK, Bill, I guess I can forgive you."
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.
A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"
"He answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to a recycling center."
Juro
Well-known member
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first mathematician orders a beer.
The second orders half a beer.
The third orders a quarter of a beer.
And so on…
The bartender pours 2 beers and says "You fellas oughta know your limits!"
The first mathematician orders a beer.
The second orders half a beer.
The third orders a quarter of a beer.
And so on…
The bartender pours 2 beers and says "You fellas oughta know your limits!"
N
newtiger
Guest
The Bunker, sorry it was just too inviting.
Members online
- UnderTheBus
- hank37w
- 426Tlgerland
- Banterboi
- Peter_B
- Flippedy
- Modman
- Tom Shines
- Bus 2 Terrigal
- old_man_tiger
- BunganHead Tiger
- Telltails
- Billy M
- rex2ce
- Enmore_Tiger
- Born-a-Tiger
- Lestronge
- sydneytiger33
- groucher
- Properossi
- Muffstar
- KH1988
- twentyforty
- diedpretty
- tiger_one
- BlackWhiteGold
- TIGERS
- Merlot
- bythebeardofzeus
- WhiTe Tiger
- BirchgroveTigers
- eyewondertoo