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With court now out of the way, I finally feel like the old me again
Benji Marshall
August 28, 2011
To say I am relieved after the events of last week is an understatement. It has been a long season, and I have had a weight on my shoulders for every minute until my court case finished on Wednesday. There have been highs and there have been lulls.
There have been times when I wondered whether I would get through it. There was a point in the middle of the season, leading into the start of the court case, when coach Tim Sheens knew that I was a little off. I was just awkward about the whole ordeal, and it was showing in my training and my play.
The next time my case was before court, Tim - who could tell I was withdrawing from everyone - took me aside and asked if I wanted to stand down for a game. I didn't. Looking back, I probably should have.
In this game, mental preparation is an important part of the battle. If you're not mentally ready to play, it's not worth playing. Having that weight off my shoulders now, I can't wait to play. I am desperate to get back to being myself, without any worries, and feel like the old me. Over the past few days, I have felt like that again. I feel confident again.
Really, I had to put on a front for most of the season. I tried to convince people that I was feeling good when, in fact, I wasn't.
What I did have was the support of my teammates, of Tim, and of the chief executive Stephen Humphreys, as well as my family and friends. It was their support that got me through. Without it, I could have sat out the season. It felt that heavy.
My teammates have been great: Beau Ryan, Chris Heighington, Gareth Ellis, Robbie Farah, Mark Flanagan, Tim Moltzen, Blake Ayshford … there has been a time when every one of my teammates could tell that I was struggling and helped me, sometimes just patting me on the back. It was all significant.
What they also did was step up on the field. Robbie, Moltz and Rob Lui all took their game up a notch because they knew I was doing it tough. No one should have to take on as much as Rob did, at his age. But he did take it on, and he handled it. Maybe his game matured as a result of the extra responsibility. If anything good can come out of this, it is the emergence of Rob. I feel like I've had a fairly solid season - but that came largely because Rob took the pressure off me.
He has matured as a footballer, as a person, and taken a leadership role in the team. If a player trains with us, it would be very easy for them to sit back and just watch; Robbie Farah is screaming all the time, so am I. But Rob Lui took over and out-voiced Farah and me. I feel his football brain aged five years over the past five months. I get a lot of accolades for the way we play, but if Robbie Farah, Rob Lui and Tim Moltzen don't step up their own games, it is very difficult for me to.
In the past, I used to try to do everything. But throughout this court ordeal, they've taken on a lot more and let me try to relax and play my game. That's the only reason I've got through this period and am still playing consistently.
But the job, of course, is far from over. We can't afford to drop a game now. And we should be honest: if we can't turn up for our last two games, against Gold Coast and Cronulla, when will we turn up? This is our chance to secure a home final. We are a strong enough team to make sure we do turn up to play. After tomorrow night, I can tell you for certain.
Benji Marshall
August 28, 2011
To say I am relieved after the events of last week is an understatement. It has been a long season, and I have had a weight on my shoulders for every minute until my court case finished on Wednesday. There have been highs and there have been lulls.
There have been times when I wondered whether I would get through it. There was a point in the middle of the season, leading into the start of the court case, when coach Tim Sheens knew that I was a little off. I was just awkward about the whole ordeal, and it was showing in my training and my play.
The next time my case was before court, Tim - who could tell I was withdrawing from everyone - took me aside and asked if I wanted to stand down for a game. I didn't. Looking back, I probably should have.
In this game, mental preparation is an important part of the battle. If you're not mentally ready to play, it's not worth playing. Having that weight off my shoulders now, I can't wait to play. I am desperate to get back to being myself, without any worries, and feel like the old me. Over the past few days, I have felt like that again. I feel confident again.
Really, I had to put on a front for most of the season. I tried to convince people that I was feeling good when, in fact, I wasn't.
What I did have was the support of my teammates, of Tim, and of the chief executive Stephen Humphreys, as well as my family and friends. It was their support that got me through. Without it, I could have sat out the season. It felt that heavy.
My teammates have been great: Beau Ryan, Chris Heighington, Gareth Ellis, Robbie Farah, Mark Flanagan, Tim Moltzen, Blake Ayshford … there has been a time when every one of my teammates could tell that I was struggling and helped me, sometimes just patting me on the back. It was all significant.
What they also did was step up on the field. Robbie, Moltz and Rob Lui all took their game up a notch because they knew I was doing it tough. No one should have to take on as much as Rob did, at his age. But he did take it on, and he handled it. Maybe his game matured as a result of the extra responsibility. If anything good can come out of this, it is the emergence of Rob. I feel like I've had a fairly solid season - but that came largely because Rob took the pressure off me.
He has matured as a footballer, as a person, and taken a leadership role in the team. If a player trains with us, it would be very easy for them to sit back and just watch; Robbie Farah is screaming all the time, so am I. But Rob Lui took over and out-voiced Farah and me. I feel his football brain aged five years over the past five months. I get a lot of accolades for the way we play, but if Robbie Farah, Rob Lui and Tim Moltzen don't step up their own games, it is very difficult for me to.
In the past, I used to try to do everything. But throughout this court ordeal, they've taken on a lot more and let me try to relax and play my game. That's the only reason I've got through this period and am still playing consistently.
But the job, of course, is far from over. We can't afford to drop a game now. And we should be honest: if we can't turn up for our last two games, against Gold Coast and Cronulla, when will we turn up? This is our chance to secure a home final. We are a strong enough team to make sure we do turn up to play. After tomorrow night, I can tell you for certain.
