Things that make you laugh!! 😂

[diedpretty]

Last night my misses asked me if I’ve seen the dog bowl. I said “ to be honest I didn’t know he played cricket’.

The Mutt has a suspect action ......lolololololololol

Thought it was because he had a bent back leg - my missus said there was no arm in that.

 

[Swordy]

Green is my favourite colour. I actually like it more than blue and yellow combined!

 

[Swordy]

When my missus said she wanted to go to Switzerland to see the Monkees tribute Band, I thought she was kidding. And then I saw here face, now I'm in Geneva!

 

[happy_tiger]

I was so lonely during Covid I developed multiple personalities to keep myself company

Even my multiple personalities dislike me.

:anguished: :hugging_face: :relieved:

Wow you just put up emojis for 3 of my personalites.

We are all waiting for you to produce a personality we all like ...some bloke who has spent a bit of time with you said they are all boring ....

 

[cochise]

I was so lonely during Covid I developed multiple personalities to keep myself company

Even my multiple personalities dislike me.

:anguished: :hugging_face: :relieved:

Wow you just put up emojis for 3 of my personalites.

We are all waiting for you to produce a personality we all like ...some bloke who has spent a bit of time with you said they are all boring ....

All the interesting ones only talk to each other, you lot bore them.

 

[happy_tiger]

I was so lonely during Covid I developed multiple personalities to keep myself company

Even my multiple personalities dislike me.

:anguished: :hugging_face: :relieved:

Wow you just put up emojis for 3 of my personalites.

We are all waiting for you to produce a personality we all like ...some bloke who has spent a bit of time with you said they are all boring ....

All the interesting ones only talk to each other, you lot bore them.

Life is all about speaking a heap of poo and having a laugh at yourself ...or unless Geo posts we all laugh with him ..well at him

 

[cochise]

I was so lonely during Covid I developed multiple personalities to keep myself company

Even my multiple personalities dislike me.

:anguished: :hugging_face: :relieved:

Wow you just put up emojis for 3 of my personalites.

We are all waiting for you to produce a personality we all like ...some bloke who has spent a bit of time with you said they are all boring ....

All the interesting ones only talk to each other, you lot bore them.

Life is all about speaking a heap of poo and having a laugh at yourself ...or unless Geo posts we all laugh with him ..well at him

Pretty much my philosophy on life as well mate.

 

[Magpieger]

How many Irishmen does it take to change a light-bulb?

30... 1 to hold the bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

 

[tiger_one]

Today's advice:
Never have a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time!

 

[happy_tiger]

How many Hippies does it take to change a Lightbulb

Only 1 ...but the lightbulb has to want to change

 

[DallasD]

Did you know that ants never get sick..........

It’s because they have little anty bodies....

 

[Elderslie_Tiger]

Eddie McGuire flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Aussie Rules, is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Collingwood.
He's signed to a one year contract and the kid joined the team for the pre-season.
Two weeks later the magpies are down six goals to Carlton, with 10 minutes to play.
The coach gives the Iraqi the nod and he goes on.
The kid is a sensation - kicks seven goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for the Magpies.
The fans are thrilled, the coaches and players delighted, and the media are in love with the new star.
When the players come off, he phones his Mum.

"Hello mum, guess what"? he says. "I played 10 minutes, kicked 7 goals and we won". Everyone loves me.
Wonderful says his mum. "Let me tell you about my day".

"Your father was shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten, and your brother joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having a great game."

The young fellow is upset,"What can I say mum , I am sorry."
"Sorry? You're sorry? says his mum. "It's your bloody fault we moved to Collingwood in the first place!"

 

[BZN]

Eddie McGuire flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Aussie Rules, is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Collingwood.
He's signed to a one year contract and the kid joined the team for the pre-season.
Two weeks later the magpies are down six goals to Carlton, with 10 minutes to play.
The coach gives the Iraqi the nod and he goes on.
The kid is a sensation - kicks seven goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for the Magpies.
The fans are thrilled, the coaches and players delighted, and the media are in love with the new star.
When the players come off, he phones his Mum.

"Hello mum, guess what"? he says. "I played 10 minutes, kicked 7 goals and we won". Everyone loves me.
Wonderful says his mum. "Let me tell you about my day".

"Your father was shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten, and your brother joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having a great game."

The young fellow is upset,"What can I say mum , I am sorry."
"Sorry? You're sorry? says his mum. "It's your bloody fault we moved to Collingwood in the first place!"

Thanks :hugging_face: E:tiger2: I started the day with a laugh 'after' reading the :right-facing_fist: line.
From reading the preceding lines, I didn't think I would.

 

[innsaneink]

Hope this one isn't too rude

Mods can delete obviously if it is

There is no swearing so here goes


Mum is outside putting clothes on the line

Son runs out and says mum there is a prawn in the lounge room

Mum says there is no prawn in the lounge room son so just go inside while I finish putting clothes on the line

Son begrudgingly goes back inside before running back out and saying mum there is a prawn in the lounge room

So mum decides she needs to find out what's going on

When she gets inside the son points to grandma asleep on lounge with dress pulled up too high and says

See mum there is a prawn in the lounge room

Mum than says son that isn't a prawn

The son than says

Well it sure tastes like one

🤔🤔🤔......

 

[tiger_one]

Here is a Joke for all the mind readers ....................................

 

[cochise]

Here is a Joke for all the mind readers ....................................

What an offensive joke, you should be ashamed. 😛

 

[mike]

Here is a Joke for all the mind readers ....................................

What an offensive joke, you should be ashamed. 😛

Ban him... ?????

 

[tiger_one]

I'm writing a book about all the things i ought to do before I die.
It's called an oughtobiography.

 

[mike]

What's Snow White's brother's name?
Egg White.

Get the yolk??? I’ll see myself out...

 

[tiger_one]

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.