Things that make you laugh!! 😂

[Tiger_Steve]

My wife is excellent at multitasking. She can be pissed at me for 4 or 5 things at once!

 

[Cairnstigers]

Time to start the jokes again to cheer us all up

"Love is like a fart. If you have to force it it’s probably shit."

 

[Cairnstigers]

"My wife told me: 'Sex is better on holiday.' That wasn’t a nice postcard to receive."

 

[hank37w]

Q. What did the dog get when he graduated from University?
A. A pedigree.

 

[happy_tiger]

How many hippies does it take to change a light bulb

One ...but the lightbulb has to want to change

How many Forum members does it take to change a light bulb

30 ...1 to change it
...29 to say they could have done it better

 

[happy_tiger]

I'm so tough I kick sand in my own face

 

[Eca]

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?


... marry it

 

[tiger_one]

Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale.

 

[TheDaBoss]

What's the difference between lottoland and a echidna?

A echidna has pricks on the outside

 

[Cultured_Bogan]

Patient: Doctor doctor, I've swallowed a spanner!

Doctor: Are you choking?

Patient: No, I'm serious!

 

[hank37w]

Q. What's the difference between a Catfish and a Lawyer?
A. One is a bottom dwelling scum sucker and the other one is a fish.

 

[hank37w]

Q. What do a Pelican and Telstra have in common?
A. They can both stick their bills up their arse.

 

[tigerballs]

A bloke dies and goes to heaven where he meets St Peter at the pearly gates. St Peter says " Follow me down the corridor so we can do the paperwork." The corridor is lined with clocks for as far as the eye could see, millions of them. The bloke says "hey St Peter, what's with all the clocks" St Peter says "Well, there's a clock on the wall for every man on Earth. When each man has a wank, the hands on the clock go around one hour." Bloke asks "Where's Ryan Matterson's clock?" St Peter says " God's using that for a fan in the office.."

 

[Eca]

I find this one a classic

2 cows in a paddock...

1 cow goes "Mooooooooooo"

The other goes "you b1+c#, i was gonna say that!!!"

 

[rustycage]

A bloke is driving along a lonely road in the country one night and breaks down. It's very dark and he has no idea what the problem could be. After an hour or so, there no help and he's deciding if he should walk to find help or stay. He hears a voice..... "It's the timing belt." He looks around and nobodys there - just a black horse in a paddock. Hes confused, so he goes back to his thoughts. He hears it again. "It's the timing belt. He looks up but there nobody. Just this black horse in a paddock. So he decides to go looking for the farm house which must be nearby. After an hour walking, he finds the farm house and knocks on the door. The farmer answers and he tells the farmer that he's broken down, and he doesn't know what the problem is. But that he heard a voice. And, that there was nobody to be seen. Just a black horse in a paddock. The farmer says. "Beauty, it's your lucky day. Usually there's a white horse in the paddock and he knows SFA about cars."


Ok, I'll go now.

 

[TheDaBoss]

How much does a dumpling weigh?

WONTON

 

[happy_tiger]

Couldn't find tits in a strip joint

 

[Tiger_Steve]

I’m using my step ladder today. I never knew my real ladder

My wife says I never listen to her. Well I think that’s what she was saying

 

[BWGleague]

Two termites walk into a bar & ask
where's the bartender

 

[Tiger_Steve]

I’ve never used essential oils which makes me wonder how essential they really are?
Maybe they should be called optional oils🥴