Things that make you laugh!! 😂

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

Why is it that when I’m searching for something, I always seem to come across something else that I lost in the past and couldn’t find what I was actually looking for...

 

[TrueTiger]

A mate of mine is getting married and he is so excited...
So good old TT gave him something to think about before he makes that cccccoommmiittmmenntt....
In marriage there are 3 RINGS...

1,,the engagement ring
2,,the wedding ring

and then the all important SUFFERING....:disappointed: :confounded: :face_with_rolling_eyes:

 

[Elderslie_Tiger]

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Dublin copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Dublin cops expense!!

Dublin cop says, "License and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Dublin cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Dublin cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop.
License and registration, please"

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Dublin cop says, "The difference is, ye didnae come to a complete stop, that's the law, License and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket.If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Dublin cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Dublin cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living crap out of the lawyer and says,

"Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

 

[mike]

I just crashed my new Kia.

Now I have Nokia.

 

[mike]

The wife sent me a text message. “If you’re sleeping, send me your dreams. If you’re laughing, send me your smile. If you’re eating, send me a bite. If you’re drinking, send me a sip. I love you.”
Me: “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”

 

[happy_tiger]

Bloke bet his local butcher he couldn't reach up and touch the meat on the top shelf

Butcher said ....I'm not prepared to take that bet ...the stakes are too high

 

[tiger_one]

When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

My brain:
1970 was 30 years ago
1990 was 10 years ago
1995 was 10 years ago
2000 was 10 years ago
2010 was 10 years ago
2016 was a couple years ago
2017 didn't happen
2018 was 2 years ago
2019 was last year
2020 was last year
2021 it's only January

 

[tiger_one]

Bono just told me that colour can be spelled with or without U.

 

[mike]

As I grow older I find I need only three type of shops. Opticians, pharmacy and deli.
Specs, drugs and sausage rolls.

 

[tiger_one]

How does Rocky prefer to eat his pizza?
Sliced, Alone.........

 

[TrueTiger]

Show me a man who stands on his 2 feet......

AND ....I will show you a man who cant take his pants off.......

 

[mike]

I was wondering why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe but not Africa. Then I realised, vampires are killed by holy water... And they bless the rains down in Africa.

 

[mike]

How old were you when you realized that “Dammit I’m mad” spelled backwards is “Dammit I’m mad”?

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

I overdosed on viagra once.
"Hardest day of my life".

 

[Cairnstigers]

How old were you when you realized that “Dammit I’m mad” spelled backwards is “Dammit I’m mad”?

Well it's news to me so 52 years old

But I remember when I realised what
"Red rum" spelt backwards was
It was during the movie called "The Shining" with Jack Nicholson in 1980

It's what I wanted to do on Saturday night

 

[mike]

How old were you when you realized that “Dammit I’m mad” spelled backwards is “Dammit I’m mad”?

Well it's news to me so 52 years old

But I remember when I realised what
"Red rum" spelt backwards was
It was during the movie called "The Shining" with Jack Nicholson in 1980

It's what I wanted to do on Saturday night

Pretty much, especially Latrine and the ref.

Did you also know that “Race Car” spelt backwards is Race Car ?

 

[bathursttiger1]

How old were you when you realized that “Dammit I’m mad” spelled backwards is “Dammit I’m mad”?

Well it's news to me so 52 years old

But I remember when I realised what
"Red rum" spelt backwards was
It was during the movie called "The Shining" with Jack Nicholson in 1980

It's what I wanted to do on Saturday night

Pretty much, especially Latrine and the ref.

Did you also know that “Race Car” spelt backwards is Race Car ?

Did you *refer* to the *level radar rotor* on your *civic racecar* that was towing your *kayak*?

 

[hobbo1]

How old were you when you realized that “Dammit I’m mad” spelled backwards is “Dammit I’m mad”?

Well it's news to me so 52 years old

But I remember when I realised what
"Red rum" spelt backwards was
It was during the movie called "The Shining" with Jack Nicholson in 1980

It's what I wanted to do on Saturday night

Pretty much, especially Latrine and the ref.

Did you also know that “Race Car” spelt backwards is Race Car ?

redivider, deified, civic, radar, level, rotor, kayak, reviver, racecar, madam, and refer.

Did you *refer* to the *level radar rotor* on your *civic racecar* that was towing your *kayak*?

Nerd much ?

 

[Tiger_Steve]

How old were you when you realized that “Dammit I’m mad” spelled backwards is “Dammit I’m mad”?

54