Things that make you laugh!! 😂

[tiger_one]

What colour is the wind?
Blew.

 

[tiger_one]

I always keep my guitar in the car now.
It's good for traffic jams.

 

[bathursttiger1]

An Irishman is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife.
He immediately dials 999.
**Irishman:** ''It's me wife! I've accidentally shot 'er & I tink
I've killed 'er!''

**Operator:** ''Please calm down, Sir, can you first make
sure she is actually dead!''
***click* *BANG***

**Irishman:** ''Okay, done that. What next?'

 

[tiger_one]

Is "buttcheeks" one word?
Or should I spread them apart?

 

[tig_prmz]

An Irishman is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife.
He immediately dials 999.
**Irishman:** ''It's me wife! I've accidentally shot 'er & I tink
I've killed 'er!''

**Operator:** ''Please calm down, Sir, can you first make
sure she is actually dead!''
***click* *BANG***

**Irishman:** ''Okay, done that. What next?'

Might have dialled 666 instead

 

[tigerap]

Josh Reynolds is sporting a rug on his head😂😂😂

 

[tiger_one]

Why do people have trouble sleeping?
I can do it with my eyes closed.

 

[bathursttiger1]

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage. He said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

 

[tiger_one]

Don't worry about your smartphone and TV spying on you.
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

 

[Lauren]

 

[tiger_one]

People call me self centred.
But that's enough about them.

 

[diedpretty]

 

[tiger_one]

My mate's wife said to her husband ; "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis."
He replied, "That's 15 love."

 

[gallagher]

My mate's wife said to her husband ; "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis."
He replied, "That's 15 love."

Go to bed 🤣🤣🤣

 

[tiger_one]

I bought a thesaurus, but then found all the pages were blank.
I have no words to tell you how angry I am.

 

[bathursttiger1]

What's the difference between a Peeping Tom and a thief?

A thief snatches watches …

 

[tiger_one]

How do computers get drunk?
They take screenshots.

 

[diedpretty]

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=728827588617411

 

[bathursttiger1]

2 guys are sitting at a bar after a hard days work and start talking about their wives.
1st guy: "You know what, my wife is an angel."
2nd guy: "Gee, you sure are lucky, my wife is still alive.
That’s all folks bed time.😂

 

[tiger_one]

I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159.
Then it just CLIX.