Simpsons quotes.

Homer: Bear patrol is working a treat, no bears seen today
Lisa: That's one way of looking at it
Homer: What do you mean
Lisa: I could say this rock keeps tigers away
Homer: How does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work, it's just a stupid rock, but I don't see any tigers
Homer: Lisa I want to buy your rock
 
Homer: I'm not out of order, you're out of order, the whole freakin system is out of order, you want the truth? You want the truth? YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH! Because when you put your hand in a pile of goo, that was your best friends face, you'll know what to do! Forget it Marge, its Chinatown!

Marge: Homer, don't ever tell your class personal stuff about us again!!!

Homer: Yes ma'am
 
Marge: Homer you know your chances of winning the lotto are a million to one.
Homer: You mean a million to FIFTY *pulls out handfuls of lotto tickets*
 
@Jazza said:
@Juro said:
@Team Tiger said:
Homer: "Operator! Give me the number for 911!"

Chief Wiggum: No, you got the wrong number. This is nine-one….two.

Haha the funny thing about that is they would just end up calling them again.
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Well it certainly wouldn't be the first time Wiggum didn't think things through…

Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the... um... What cures cancer?
 
@Juro said:
@Jazza said:
@Juro said:
@Team Tiger said:
Homer: "Operator! Give me the number for 911!"

Chief Wiggum: No, you got the wrong number. This is nine-one….two.

Haha the funny thing about that is they would just end up calling them again.

Well it certainly wouldn't be the first time Wiggum didn't think things through…

Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the... um... What cures cancer?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Or when he has the catburgler's handkerchief and then at the press conference he wipes his forehead with it and makes the dog sniff it :Lol:
 
Chief Wiggum: another call about a cat burglar, mark it down on the map boys. Hmmm, it doesn't seem to be a pattern, but if we move that one here, and that one there, and this one *proceeds to move about 70% of the markers* then it almost looks like an arrow
Lou: hey chief, it's pointing right at this police station
Wiggum: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
 
[Marge gets a surprise phone call at home.]

Marge: Hello?
Wiggum: Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh, my God! He's dead?
Wiggum: Oh, wait. I mean DWI. Heh, heh, heh. I always get those two mixed up. [hangs up phone]

[at that moment, a lady arrives at the police station]
Woman: My name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband's DWI.
Wiggum: [stalling] Uhhhh, why don't you talk to that officer over there. I'm going out to lunch.
 
marge: Homer, I'm not sure I'm comfortable sleeping with a group of crows in the bedroom in the night.
homer: It's a murder, honey. A group of crows is called a murder.

abe: I used to be with "it", but then they changed what "it" was. Now what I'm with isn't "it", and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me
 
Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a… car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.
 
One of my fav eps is "Behind the laughter"

Homer: I just want to get one thing straight, I thought…the cop...was a prosititute

Lisa: during filming of the show I was given anti-growth hormones
Homer: That's propostrous....how could I get all four necessary drops into her cereal...*looks suss*...what?

Marge: Sure the script was a little corny, but Homer and I had real chemistry on screen
*cuts to homer
Homer: everyday I thought about firing marge, you know just to shake things up.

Homer: Pain was like a drug, but what even more like a drug was the drugs.

Lenny: even Bart was throwing dough around, he even paid me and Karl 500 bucks to kiss each other...
Karl: Hey did we ever get that money?
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I could probably recite that whole ep start to finish haha
 
Homer: That's right, Pie Man is me, mild-mannered Homer Simpson.
Lisa: You're not mild-mannered, you're often liquored-up and rude.
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Apu: Oh my God! If a dead fish and a homeless person had a baby, and that baby puked and a dog ate the puke, that would smell like the rear end of the dog!

Wiggum: What is about a lady in a dumpster?
 
Marge: No more drinking i'm tired of looking like the worlds worst mother
Homer: Oh honey, your not the worlds worst mother, what about that freezer lady in georgia?
 
Homer: Cant read English instructions must read french side! "Le Grille"?!?!? what the hell is that
 
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