Simpsons quotes.

[adamtiger]

Gangster: Johnny tight lips, where you been shot?
Johnny tight lips: I ain't saying nuttin
Gangster: what am I going to tell the ambulance?
Johnny tight lips: ahh tell em to suck a lemon
….......;………
Milhouse: hey Bart, do you remember alf? Well he's back......in pog form
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[Juro]

Teacher: Homer, would you like to present your rebuttal?
Homer: With pleasure.

 

[Marshall_magic]

Old Woman: My name is Mrs Pennyweather and I can be your kids sitter
Homer: I saw Mrs Doubtfire, this is a man *chases after her*
Marge: Homer if you keep this up we'll never find anyone
Homer: Sorry, I'll stop
Second Woman: Hello, I hear you need a….
Homer: RRRRRRRR *chases her off too*

 

[Cultured_Bogan]

Another Lionel Hutz classic (he's my favourite character on that show):

Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and “dog” with “son.”

 

[Cultured_Bogan]

A couple more Lionel Hutz crackers:

You see, the law business was a little slow and since most of my clients end up losing their houses this is a natural move for me, Yes, the money is good. But the beauty of it is you get to stay in the house until it's sold.

Lionel Hutz, court-appointed attorney. I'll be defending you on the charge of… Murder One! Wow! Even if I lose, I'll be famous!

 

[system]

Homer: I keep hearing this irregular thumping noise.
Gas Station Attendant: It's your heart, and I think it's on its last thump!
Homer: Whew, I was afraid it was my transmission.
(Homer drives off.)
Kid: Where's he going?
Gas Station Attendant: You remember that old Plymouth we just couldn't fix?
Kid: We're going to sell him to Mr. Nikopopolous?!
Gas Station Attendant: You're a dull boy, Billy.

 

[Danos]

Soviet Car Salesman: "She'll go 300 hectares on a single tank of kerosene"
Homer: "What country is this from?"
Soviet Car Salesman: "It no longer exists"

"Put it in H!"

My favourite episode is the classic "You Only Move Twice" with Albert Brooks as Scorpio.

Scorpio: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Scorpio: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Scorpio: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There.
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
Scorpio: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot… Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district!
Scorpio: That's right.

 

[Marshall_magic]

Moe on a Lie detector (Who shot Mr Burns)

Cop: do you hold a grudge against C Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No!
BUZZ
Moe: Alright maybe I do, but I didn't shoot him
DING
Cop: This checks out, no case sir you're free to go
Moe: Good, coz I got a hot date tonight
BUZZ
Moe: A date
BUZZ
Moe: Dinner with friends
BUZZ
Moe: Dinner alone
BUZZ
Moe: Watching TV alone
BUZZ
Moe: Alright! I'm going to sit at home and oggle the ladies in the victoria's secret catelogue
BUZZ
Moe: …Sears catelogue
DING
Moe: Now would you unhook this already please, I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment
BUZZ

 

[Jazza]

Brockman: Coming up on Eye on Springfield, the Rappin Rabbi's!
Rabbi's: Dont eat pork, not even on a fork, CANT TOUCH THIS!
Homer: Marge are we Jewish?
Marge: No Homer
Homer: WOO-HOO! _Grabs a pig and starts cutting into it_

 

[Juro]

Bart: I can't promise I'll try, but I'll try to try.

 

[Cultured_Bogan]

Lugash: You girls were great! Cats back for everyone!
Tina: I had a dog.
Lugash: Is cat now!

 

[Marshall_magic]

Marge: The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow don't bother coming in monday
Homer: WOOHOO 4 day weekend

 

[Juro]

Lunchlady Doris: More testicles mean more iron!

 

[Juro]

Sting: There's a hole in my heart as deep as a well for that poor little boy, who's stuck halfway to Hell…
Sideshow Mel: Though we can't get him out, we'll do the next best thing...
McBane: We go on TV and sing, sing, sing!
All: And we're sending our love down the well...
Krusty: All the way down!
All: We're sending our love down the well...
Krusty: Down that well!

 

[Cultured_Bogan]

Homer: Why didn't anyone tell me what I was getting myself into? This is everybody else's fault but mine!

 

[Juro]

Homer: "Operator! Give me the number for 911!"

Chief Wiggum: No, you got the wrong number. This is nine-one….two.

 

[Jazza]

Homer: First you didnt want me to get the pony, now you want me to take it back! Make up your mind!!!

 

[Juro]

Homer: That Timmy is a real hero!
Lisa: How do you mean, Dad?
Homer: Well, he fell down a well, and… he can't get out.
Lisa: How does that make him a hero?
Homer: Well, that's more than you did!

 

[Cultured_Bogan]

Reiner Wolfcastle: Sara, if tears could break through my muscly ducts I would cry like a baby that has been hit with a hammer.
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[Jazza]

Homer: "Operator! Give me the number for 911!"

Chief Wiggum: No, you got the wrong number. This is nine-one….two.

Haha the funny thing about that is they would just end up calling them again.