Things that make you laugh!! 😂
- Thread starter Tigerlily
- Start date
happy_tiger
Well-known member
Hey Dad , did you get a hair cut
No , I got them all cut
No , I got them all cut
mike
Well-known member
We know that Albert Einstein was a genius....
.... but I think his brother Frank was a monster.
.... but I think his brother Frank was a monster.
sheer64
Well-known member
Have no idea what the original interview was about.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq1MaRWmqhc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq1MaRWmqhc
sheer64
Well-known member
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2m358tzHp8
mike
Well-known member
Ever wondered why blind people don't skydive?
It scares the hell out of the dog.
It scares the hell out of the dog.
mike
Well-known member
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of ROGET'S THESAURUS crashed yesterday losing its entire load.
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, perplexed, fazed, disconcerted, perturbed, and disturbed.
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, perplexed, fazed, disconcerted, perturbed, and disturbed.
happy_tiger
Well-known member
My daughter and I this afternoon ...
What are you eating
A pear
Did they both taste nice ....I let myself out hehe
What are you eating
A pear
Did they both taste nice ....I let myself out hehe
Subject: Old Butch
Bert was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young 'pullets,'
and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing
went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some
tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone,
so he could tell from a distance,
which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an
efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Bert's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very
fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old
Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters
were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets,
hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Bert's amazement, old Butch had
his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring...
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do
his job and walk on to the next one.
Bert was so proud of old Butch,
he entered him in the New Plymouth City Show and
he became an overnight sensation among the judges..
The result was the judges not only awarded
old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize,"
but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.
Who else but a politician could figure out how
to win two of the most coveted awards
on our planet by being the best at
sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace
and screwing them when they weren't paying attention..
Vote carefully in the next election,
you can't always hear the bells.
Bert was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young 'pullets,'
and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing
went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some
tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone,
so he could tell from a distance,
which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an
efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Bert's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very
fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old
Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters
were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets,
hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Bert's amazement, old Butch had
his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring...
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do
his job and walk on to the next one.
Bert was so proud of old Butch,
he entered him in the New Plymouth City Show and
he became an overnight sensation among the judges..
The result was the judges not only awarded
old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize,"
but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.
Who else but a politician could figure out how
to win two of the most coveted awards
on our planet by being the best at
sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace
and screwing them when they weren't paying attention..
Vote carefully in the next election,
you can't always hear the bells.
rustycage
Well-known member
@DallasD said in [Dad Humour](/post/1264063) said:
Oh. My. God. :cold_sweat:
Bula
Well-known member
Several nuns are lined up at the pearly gates waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy. "And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
"Well," says the first nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger." "OK," says St. Peter, "dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven."
The next nun admits, "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit."
"OK," says St. Peter, "rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven." Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.
"Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter.
"Well, your excellency," says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Agnes sticks her ass in it."
"Well," says the first nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger." "OK," says St. Peter, "dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven."
The next nun admits, "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit."
"OK," says St. Peter, "rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven." Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.
"Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter.
"Well, your excellency," says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Agnes sticks her ass in it."
Elderslie_Tiger
Well-known member
God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and sex if she wants to get into heaven.
The woman said she would try her best.
God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.
"Not bad" said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over the lounge suite and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, and made love to me right then and there."
"They don't like that in heaven", said God........
The woman replied: "They're not too happy about it in Harvey Norman either!"
The woman said she would try her best.
God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.
"Not bad" said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over the lounge suite and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, and made love to me right then and there."
"They don't like that in heaven", said God........
The woman replied: "They're not too happy about it in Harvey Norman either!"
@mike said in [Dad Humour](/post/1259717) said:
This reminded me of a great story a primary teacher told me once about an answer one of their students gave to a test.
It was an elementary test, and one of the tasks asked:
***'Using a Rule, measure the distance between the two points, A and B'.***
Most of the kids used their rulers to find the distance and wrote in the answer sheet. Except for one student who between the two points wrote: *'Be kind to everybody'*, making the letters bigger or smaller so that it fitted exactly between the points.
