Things that make you laugh!! 😂
- Thread starter Tigerlily
- Start date
Tiger_Fanatic3
Well-known member
bathursttiger1
Well-known member
You should always be weary of people with Graph paper
They are always plotting something.
They are always plotting something.
Tiger_Fanatic3
Well-known member
mike
Well-known member
@tiger_fanatic3 said in [Dad Humour](/post/1304642) said:
Hey, that resembles me !!!!
mike
Well-known member
My family wanted to see more of me so I gained 10Kg
Celtic_Tiger
Well-known member
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician....
He worked it out with a pencil.
He worked it out with a pencil.
bathursttiger1
Well-known member
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said "Here's to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of me wife.
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night.
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.
She said, Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that was very nice indeed,, John!' Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night.
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.
She said, Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that was very nice indeed,, John!' Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".
Tiger_Fanatic3
Well-known member
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today.
She didn’t show up.
That’s when I knew we weren’t gonna work out
She didn’t show up.
That’s when I knew we weren’t gonna work out
Tiger_Fanatic3
Well-known member
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii...
"Or just a low ha"
"Or just a low ha"
Tiger_Fanatic3
Well-known member
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed..
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence
Elderslie_Tiger
Well-known member
The first applicant of the day at the Pearly Gates explains that his last day was not a good one.
"I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just got out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and found the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips.
I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found superhuman strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.”
Saint Peter thanked him for his story and sent him on to the waiting room.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.
"I was on the roof of an apartment-building working on the AC equipment
and I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest.”
Saint Peter couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room. Saint Peter is still chuckling when his third customer of the day enters.
He apologizes and says, "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you.”
“I don't know," replies the man. "Picture this, I'm naked, hiding in this cedar chest...”
"I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just got out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and found the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips.
I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found superhuman strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.”
Saint Peter thanked him for his story and sent him on to the waiting room.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.
"I was on the roof of an apartment-building working on the AC equipment
and I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest.”
Saint Peter couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room. Saint Peter is still chuckling when his third customer of the day enters.
He apologizes and says, "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you.”
“I don't know," replies the man. "Picture this, I'm naked, hiding in this cedar chest...”
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