Things that make you laugh!! 😂

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

Apparently to start a zoo you need at least two pandas, a grizzly and three polars.

It's the bear minimum.

 

[cochise]

If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley.

That way he could introduce himself, "I'm Harley, David's son.

Ok, I'm using that, my brother is called David and is wife is pregnant with their second son at the moment.

 

[cochise]

Apparently to start a zoo you need at least two pandas, a grizzly and three polars.

It's the bear minimum.

Reminds me off the oldie, what do you call a zoo that's only animal is a dog? Lol

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

My boss calls me "the computer".

Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

PS - Next time I should call him at 3am and tell him i'm doing important updates.

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

My mate rearranged the labels on my spice rack…

Haven’t confronted him yet but the thyme is cumin.

 

[cktiger]

Woman to detective “Somebody keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off”
Detective to woman “Sounds like you’re being stalked”

 

[tiger_one]

Why was 69 scared of 70?
Apparently, they had once had a fight and 71.

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

Why was 69 scared of 70?
Apparently, they had once had a fight and 71.

And so did 72!

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

Why you should never brush your teeth with your left hand ..

Because a toothbrush works better.

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

I discovered that Bruce Lee had a vegetarian brother..

Broco Lee

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

I really hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day..

It's soda pressing.

 

[happy_tiger]

Don't drink Drive

It's a washing detergent .....

 

[mike]

I bought a blindfold yesterday ....

I don't know why, I can't see myself wearing it.

 

[mike]

My friend and I had an argument about which vowel is the most important. I won.

 

[tiger_one]

You know why I like jokes about anti vaxxers?
They never get old.

 

[tiger_one]

So how do you console an English Teacher?
There, their, they're........

 

[cktiger]

A chiropodist was arrested for stealing the broken nail clippings of his patients.
His wife told reporters she had been unaware he was a clipped toe maniac.

 

[Elderslie_Tiger]

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears😭😭 from his eyes and said,
"Your house!"

 

[happy_tiger]

What's the hardest thing about buying a new boomerang

Throwing the old one away .....

 

[mike]

The last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood….