Things that make you laugh!! 😂

[TrueTiger]

My ex mum in law asked what the final straw was, that ended her daughter and my relationship...

I said that we had many arguments....but when she snuggled up to me when I had my back turned to her in bed....

I felt her d**k in my back....

 

[tiger_one]

My American friend told me today he was thinkin' about cookin' up some alligator, was gutted when he remembered he only had a croc pot.

 

[rustycage]

I stopped a guy in the street and said, Can you help me? I'm looking for a rubbish tip. He said, Rabbitohs to win the premiership.

 

[mike]

So everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?

 

[mike]

The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor. This is how the war against the machines begins.

 

[tiger_one]

My grandmothers house got broken into on the weekend and they stole all her old limbo trophys from when she was a little girl.
How low can you go!!!

 

[hank37w]

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was fantastic.

 

[hank37w]

A set of jump leads walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

 

[hank37w]

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says,

"I'll have a beer please, and one for the road."

 

[hank37w]

Patient: Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'

Doctor: That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.

Patient: Is that common?

Doctor: It's Not Unusual.

 

[hank37w]

Two cows are standing next to each other in a paddock.

First cow says, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

Second cow says, "I don't believe you"

First cow replies, "It's true, no bull!"

 

[hank37w]

I went to the shop the other day to buy some camouflage trousers, but I couldn't find any.

 

[hank37w]

I went to a seafood disco last week. I was out on the dance floor and I pulled a mussel.

 

[hank37w]

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

 

[hank37w]

A young single girl has identical twins and has to give them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and he is named "Ahmal."

The other goes to a family in Spain and they name him "Juan."

Many years later the young woman who is now married is excited when she receives a letter from Juan who also encloses a photo of himself.

When she sees the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she could also have a photo of Ahmal.

Her husband responds by saying, "They're identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

 

[hank37w]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which caused him to have huge calluses on his feet.

He spent much of his time meditating and also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his unusual diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him,

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

[mike]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which caused him to have huge calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his unusual diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him,

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

You’re on fire tonight

 

[hank37w]

Nah, just burnt out.

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

What’s the hardest thing about buying a new boomerang

Throwing the old one away

 

[tiger_one]

Another wooden ball!!!
Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside??
I have like 12 already.