The victims of infidelity ie wives, husbands, partners often suffer from PTSD as a consequence of the behaviour associated with this type of betrayal. Many consider infidelity to be a form of abuse. So I have every sympathy for Phoebe and the distress she is no doubt experiencing. It can take up to 5 years for a victim of infidelity to recover.
Wait what ? How is cheating on your partner abuse ? It’s morally wrong , and breaks your heart , but it’s hardly abuse. That’s ridiculous. It’s not abuse if your feelings are hurt . The world sux sometimes . People are the worst . But you can’t cry ABUSE because someone does something crappy.
There are behaviours associated with infidelity that are clearly forms of abuse. A cycle of behaviour, the so called rinse, wash, repeat is clearly a form of abuse. This type of behaviour impacts the foundations of a relationship and if you have heard of the term gaslighting this can undermine the victims reality and self worth. Gaslighting is often used by a perpetrator to get away with infidelity with 'you're crazy' or "you are making this up'. In a relationship, when your thoughts and feelings aren't validated, this can be incredibly damaging to your sense of reality and self esteem. Often those involved in this behaviour will blame the victim, often termed blame shifting. We often joke cheaters all operate off the same template and because of this their actions are predictable.. A victim needs to get space to see this behavioural pattern.
Yes I know was Gaslighting is . But to imply that cheating is abuse is massive stretch. The behaviours that can be associated for sure , CAN be. When you say things like “my partner abused me by cheating on me” , you start to build a picture that your some kind of victim , when in reality , your Just someone your partner didn’t care about enough to stay faithful , or , the person is zero idea how to be in a committed relationship. You’re not abused. You’re just clearly low on your partner’s priorities. It’s a bit dramatic and Slightly narcissistic to imply that it’s abuse. When in reality , for most people , it’s just flat out denying and aloofness . This obviously doesn’t apply to gaslighting , controlling abusive behaviours.
We need to chill with stuff like this as a society . Were all turning into soft drama queens, looking for our own little slice of victimisation. The partner is a dirtbag . The end. Leave them , or don’t . If you allow it to go on . Then Look in the mirror .
Not soft at all. Emotional trauma can be as damaging as physical trauma. Emasculation, humiliation, betrayal, loss of agency within a relationship, loss of trust and respect are very real. Relate some of the allegations in this article to their impact on Phoebe Burgess?
No , you said cheating was abuse . I’m saying it’s not . I’m saying cheating is a symptom of abuse. Just like all the other toxic behaviour you mentioned. I’m not being insensitive, and not even talking about Phoebe and people in her really bad situation . I’m saying we as a society have started calling what used to be crappy behaviour as abuse . But It’s not . It’s just crap behaviour. There’s nothing more to it . If your feelings get hurt by someone . Your feelings are hurt . That’s it . If someone offends you . They offended you . If your partner cheated , but wasn’t a toxic piece of crap in general , they just didn’t value your relationship , the. Get rid of them or don’t and live that situation.
When people use words like Abuse , it implies a danger , large degrees of trauma , and usually criminal behaviour. None of that applies to things like cheating by itself . Like I said being a douchebag and cheating is not abuse by itself . It’s a symptom amongst others of a more serious issue .
