One Foot in Grave Forum

@Byron Bay Fan said:
Probably because since then defactos have taken over and the popes are known to be using theirs and there are augmentation procedures
Click to expand...

Here's a few 'oldies but goodies' that have been given a new lease of life by the Internet.

Many years ago during my married days, just prior to my divorce…..I accidentally overturned my golf cart.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay, what's your name?"
"It's John, and I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.
"John, she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky
robe) "forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on now" Elizabeth insisted.
She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive ... I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed but thought to myself, "my wife won't like it."
After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. "I Feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd best go now."
"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still under the cart, I guess."Cowboy:
"Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Cashier: "Do you need a bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."

Cost me a busted tooth... But, when you’re over seventy; who cares?

*****************************
I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a

few kilos, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”
\
\
\
I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip... But, when you’re over seventy; who cares?
>>>
*****************************
I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born

just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, pushing out her ample chest with a smile, "then go ahead and try."

After about thirty seconds of me fondling her breasts, the woman lost patience and said,

"Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts... But, when you’re over seventy; who cares?

*****************************
I went to the pub last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. "Good legs!" I said!

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
\
\
\
I said, "Definitely! … Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me another 6 stitches... But, when you’re over seventy; who cares?
 
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Everywere+Sign&&view=detail∣=7D20C76295292F4309907D20C76295292F430990&FORM=VRDGAR

a favourite protest song back in the ole days
 
@westTAHger said:
**I do believe that we made the most of what we had.** :master:
I feel a bit sorry for the current generation.
Not being able:
1\. to go to drive in movie's. you took you girlfriend there, and sometimes saw a bit of the movie :wink: :laughing:

2\. scrounge around in local bottle yards to get the lids of a bottle of coke, and in turn take them to macca's, give them 3 lids and you get a cheese burger in return.

3.use the local phonebox
Click to expand...

'TAHger' If you're ever up Nth Qld on the Tablelands, the Mareeba Rodeo Drive in is still open and operating. The tucker at the Kiosk is good and they show the latest films. $44.00 got me and my family of 4 in to see two movies. A cultural experience for the family or bring your sweetie and fog up the windows.
 
@Basil Tiger said:
@TrueTiger said:
Hey Basil,do you remember the **Marble Bar** at the Hilton Hotel in Pitt St….gee that place used to rage most nights with people finishing work and mixing with overseas guests..

I do,i worked in Sydney for nearly 5 years.1968-73,Bank Johnnies love a beer and we were on the prowl nearly every Friday night.

Sounds Unlimited(Incorporated) did tour with the Beatles and they broke up out here,several met Aussie girls and stayed in Oz.,one married Kerrie Biddell and played in her backing group when they were regulars at a Jazz Club called Red Neds at Chatswood.

Edit..for anyone interested she married David Glyde from Sounds Inc. and the backing Band was called Steamboat Willie.
Shame she did not reach the Dizzy heights of World fame,great,great singer.

http://www.smh.com.au/comment/obituaries/kerrie-biddell-the-first-lady-of-australian-jazz-20140909-10eaff.html
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

I think you are right about the name, it probably was " incorporated'
Geez they were good.
 
As a youngster I lived in the outside street of a country town. Occasionally a flock of sheep or cattle would be driven on foot on way to abattoirs. They invaded any open gates etc. dogs everywhere going mad. No one cared a bit nor complained. I just wish the same thing could happen here with all the ruddy snobs around my place. They think they own the place.
 
@Tigerdon said:
My favourite era for music is the 60s and 70s i am surprised nobody mentioned Pink Floyd,The Who,Led Zeppelin,The Animals,Jethro Tull,Santana,Uriah Heep going further back Bessie Smith and Edith Piaf.Look at the rubbish that gets airplay these days.
Click to expand...

Saw Pink Floyd live in 1988 ( A momentary lapse of reason tour ), they were great.
 
@Basil Tiger said:
@Byron Bay Fan said:
Probably because since then defactos have taken over and the popes are known to be using theirs and there are augmentation procedures

Here's a few 'oldies but goodies' that have been given a new lease of life by the Internet.

Many years ago during my married days, just prior to my divorce…..I accidentally overturned my golf cart.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay, what's your name?"
"It's John, and I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.
"John, she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky
robe) "forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on now" Elizabeth insisted.
She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive ... I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed but thought to myself, "my wife won't like it."
After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. "I Feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd best go now."
"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still under the cart, I guess."Cowboy:
"Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Cashier: "Do you need a bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."

Cost me a busted tooth... But, when you’re over seventy; who cares?

*****************************
I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a

few kilos, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”
\
\
\
I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip... But, when you’re over seventy; who cares?
>>>
*****************************
I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born

just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, pushing out her ample chest with a smile, "then go ahead and try."

After about thirty seconds of me fondling her breasts, the woman lost patience and said,

"Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts... But, when you’re over seventy; who cares?

*****************************
I went to the pub last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. "Good legs!" I said!

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
\
\
\
I said, "Definitely! … Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me another 6 stitches... But, when you’re over seventy; who cares?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Some good ones there Basil.
Under the cart :roll
 
@gallagher said:
Some good ones there Basil.
Under the cart :roll
Click to expand...

Thanks…couple more.

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said:"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?""My wife's."''What happened to her?""She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"The Italian man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men...The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"The Italian man replied, "Get in line."

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."How soon can I go home?
 
I'm just grateful, I got to be a part of that era.
Grew up in North Ryde. The drive in movie there, watching the progress on how Macquarie Shopping Complex was being built etc.

Sneaking into the " El Rancho" for a drink, once you did not get noticed by the Big Islander bouncer named " Joe "

So much fun, great memories of Luna Park, catching the Hydrofoil from circular quay across to manly beach. Going to Village Grand Prix car complex, the car drag races at Castlereagh.
Amaroo Park, Oran Park.
Fish and chip shops, with the one big exhaust extractor vent above the cooking vats.
Chiko " fish cakes " etc.
 
Pat Metheny
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f92FliQ-V6g&list=PL8kmDp4xoxLjXUfhfnML_kfZ5tWSizWjM

Tord Gustavsen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgBAvOJNlus&list=PLPVY3Jd2SK8E2dDKSBzI-XhxRA-V8oxSu
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vhunOjlWwE&index=2&list=PLPVY3Jd2SK8E2dDKSBzI-XhxRA-V8oxSu
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huTaFnp4wGg

Jan Garbarek
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eL2b4Y2_qxY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_g_zCxUBbbc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0Jo_wcuf6o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtH_g9RQvuQ
 
@Basil Tiger said:
@gallagher said:
Some good ones there Basil.
Under the cart :roll

Thanks…couple more.

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said:"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?""My wife's."''What happened to her?""She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"The Italian man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men...The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"The Italian man replied, "Get in line."

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."How soon can I go home?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Haha,Classic.
 
Raul Malo & The Mavericks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj1Trq0I_j8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1F09WH1Bug&list=PLFrE1qnv3FfdKPGLMlNPA7LnbxQRvH-kF
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IRSwlAY3uI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9VhX7bFGRk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zsAKJYBHyE
 
What I don't like about modern society is all the extra pollution compared to 60 years ago. Back then our milk was carried in kegs on back of horse and cart up our street, maybe still warm from the cows from a few blocks away, and we would bring out billies to be filled from the keg. Absolutely no pollution, now milk is brought in plastic bottles, from even another state in refrigerated trucks to go in refrigerators in supermarkets, to be then picked up and often driven home by cars.
 
Im a bit more Skeptical of the modern Pollution Situation especially the Global warming cult.

I do my best not to waste and over consume which isnt easy with a family of 7\. Our footprint is miniscule. The Kids are taught the principle of Stewardship.

I think We forget that we love the Online Shopping world and the fact we do almost everything in real time these days an that there is a cultural cost.
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\
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For me
 
About the global warming cult well where to begin:

The Barrier Reef is retiring in defeat;

My Canadian chippie tells me that some worm is now surviving further north due to warmer temps., this has resulted in a certain bird continually digging up their lawn to get to the worms, is impossible to have decent lawn now.

There are distress signals everywhere. There is only about 25 miles atmosphere with how many cars and factories putting out constant pollution? I consider it so simple.

My fishpond, when I was away for years, built up about a foot of sludge but the fish were quite okay in clear water on top. When I stepped in to clean up all the sludge got stirred up so fish got immediately distressed. Well that Is exactly what we are doing to the biosphere, it took billions of years for that coal, oil etc. to form down there and we are stirring it up (via usage) in a few hundred years.
 
This was a great thread to read, local band the Zasoff Brothers anyone remember them?

So many great memories can flooding back, thank you all for making my long weekend, this and the "over 49" thread is just super cool. :master:
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0nmHymgM7Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Di-etRm4cN8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWBTEngjktA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xS6V0waUtaQ
 
@Tiger Come Lately said:
This was a great thread to read, local band the Zasoff Brothers anyone remember them?

So many great memories can flooding back, thank you all for making my long weekend, this and the "over 49" thread is just super cool. :master:
Click to expand...

I think there was a band member called " Bluey"
 
Leonard Cohens music has been described as "music to slash your wrists by" but it is great stuff.His voice was never good and age hasnt treated it kindly but i can listen to it all day
 
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