Things that make you laugh!! 😂

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
 
BREAKING NEWS !!!! traffic outside the COE has come to a complete standstill.Police are walking the lines of traffic talking to drivers
here he comes,
Whats going on officer?
A terrorist is holding the Chairman and CEO hostage,and is demanding 1million$ or will douse them in petrol and set them alight,so were asking drivers for donations Ok,how much are people donating?
On average,about 5 liters
 
Merlot said:
BREAKING NEWS !!!! traffic outside the COE has come to a complete standstill.Police are walking the lines of traffic talking to drivers
here he comes,
Whats going on officer?
A terrorist is holding the Chairman and CEO hostage,and is demanding 1million$ or will douse them in petrol and set them alight,so were asking drivers for donations Ok,how much are people donating?
On average,about 5 liters
Click to expand...
Are you sure it's petrol and not Hair Gel? Yes Officer.
 
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A farmer was in town buying supplies for his property. He called into the hardware store and bought a new bucket and a can of paint.
He then went to the produce store and bought a duck and two chickens.
While standing in the street he was approached by a lady who handed him a note....
" Excuse me sir but i am trying to find this address but seem to be lost, can you help me "..???
" Yes, i know exactly where that place is, and if you like to come with me, i will show you the way, as soon as i figure out how to carry all this stuff "
" Well sir, if i were you, i would put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the duck in your other hand, and put a chicken under each arm.
He thought for a few seconds and said “Yes that would work”.
A little way down the road the farmer said " Madam, see this dark laneway, if we go that way it's a shortcut and we will save plenty of time".
" Hold the bloody phone Mr farmer man....I am a lonely widow with no husband to protect me...how do I know you will not throw me against the fence, lift my skirt, drop my panties, and have your wicked way with me?”
" For crying out loud lady, how am i supposed to do that carrying all this shit "?
" Well, you could put the duck on the ground, put the bucket on top of the duck, then place the can of paint on top, and i could hold the chickens "....
 
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