Things that make you laugh!! 😂
- Thread starter Tigerlily
- Start date
Bula
Well-known member
It has ended up being the expensive failure of a purchase our idiots normally make.The only good game he will have is against us unfortunately
Halbrowne61
Well-known member
Had to look that one up TO but got it now. Very clever and funny. At least SQ got it quickly.
A Czech diplomat in Washington D.C. is obliged to take his annual physical exam.
He goes to a local doctor for a battery of tests. At the eye exam, the doctor asks him, “So, can you read the bottom line, Mr. Kratochvil?”
“Read it? I dated her in High School!”
George Bush meets with the Queen of England during his first diplomatic trip to England.
Impressed by the way her government functions, he asks her during their meal : “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”
“Well,” says the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Bush frowns. “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen takes a sip of tea. “Oh, well that’s easy. You just ask them to answer a riddle.“ The Queen pushes a button on her intercom.
“Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”
Tony Blair promptly walks into the room. “Yes, my Queen?”
The Queen smiles. “Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, “That would be me.”
“Yes! Very good,” says the Queen.
Very impressed by this performance, Bush flies home excited to try it out on his people. As soon as the plane touches down, he calls Dick Cheney, his vice president, and asks him the same question : “Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not sure” says Cheney, perplexed. “let me get back to you on that one.”
Cheney goes to his advisors and asks everyone, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men’s room and recognizes Colin Powell’s shoes in the next stall. Cheney shouts “Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Colin Powell yells back, “That’s easy. It’s me!”
Cheney smiles, and says, “Thanks!” Then, Cheney goes back to speak with Bush. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle : it’s Colin Powell.”
Bush gets up, stomps over to Cheney and angrily yells into his face, “No, you damn idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”
4 guys meet in Hell. A Bodybuilder, a Muslim, a Buddhist monk, and an American.
Satan comes over, whip in hand, and says:
"Those who endure 10 whiplashes can go to Heaven, the rest will stay here in Hell!"
The American glances at the bodybuilder and is about to argue when Satan interrupts him,
'Everyone can choose 1 thing to place at your back and protect you from the whiplashes. Let's start."
The bodybuilder steps up, with full conviction, he chooses a large and heavy metal shield to protect his back. Then, Satan starts with the whiplashes,
1...2... And the shield breaks apart. The 3rd never came, the bodybuilder screamed 'Please NO, I give up!'
The Muslim steps forward this time. With a smug face, he asks for the physical manifestation of his faith to protect his back. He had done lots of terrible things, but it was all in the name of faith and it would protect him now.
1...2...3...and his faith began to waver...4...5...6... And the sound of something breaking could be heard. Before there was a 7th, he cries out pathetically 'stop, stop, stop. Please stop!!'
Here comes the Buddhist monk's turn. He asks for no protection, for pain is in the mind, he will hide behind nothing, and his body would endure any torment!
1...2...3... And he grits his teeth...4...5...6... Tears could be seen in his eyes...7...8...9...10... There is snot coming out of his nose and his back is badly mutilated. But he made it.
Now it's the American's turn. He is asked, by Satan, what does he choose to protect his back. The American ponders for a little while, and then calmly says,
"The monk".
He goes to a local doctor for a battery of tests. At the eye exam, the doctor asks him, “So, can you read the bottom line, Mr. Kratochvil?”
“Read it? I dated her in High School!”
George Bush meets with the Queen of England during his first diplomatic trip to England.
Impressed by the way her government functions, he asks her during their meal : “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”
“Well,” says the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Bush frowns. “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen takes a sip of tea. “Oh, well that’s easy. You just ask them to answer a riddle.“ The Queen pushes a button on her intercom.
“Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”
Tony Blair promptly walks into the room. “Yes, my Queen?”
The Queen smiles. “Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, “That would be me.”
“Yes! Very good,” says the Queen.
Very impressed by this performance, Bush flies home excited to try it out on his people. As soon as the plane touches down, he calls Dick Cheney, his vice president, and asks him the same question : “Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not sure” says Cheney, perplexed. “let me get back to you on that one.”
Cheney goes to his advisors and asks everyone, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men’s room and recognizes Colin Powell’s shoes in the next stall. Cheney shouts “Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Colin Powell yells back, “That’s easy. It’s me!”
Cheney smiles, and says, “Thanks!” Then, Cheney goes back to speak with Bush. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle : it’s Colin Powell.”
Bush gets up, stomps over to Cheney and angrily yells into his face, “No, you damn idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”
4 guys meet in Hell. A Bodybuilder, a Muslim, a Buddhist monk, and an American.
Satan comes over, whip in hand, and says:
"Those who endure 10 whiplashes can go to Heaven, the rest will stay here in Hell!"
The American glances at the bodybuilder and is about to argue when Satan interrupts him,
'Everyone can choose 1 thing to place at your back and protect you from the whiplashes. Let's start."
The bodybuilder steps up, with full conviction, he chooses a large and heavy metal shield to protect his back. Then, Satan starts with the whiplashes,
1...2... And the shield breaks apart. The 3rd never came, the bodybuilder screamed 'Please NO, I give up!'
The Muslim steps forward this time. With a smug face, he asks for the physical manifestation of his faith to protect his back. He had done lots of terrible things, but it was all in the name of faith and it would protect him now.
1...2...3...and his faith began to waver...4...5...6... And the sound of something breaking could be heard. Before there was a 7th, he cries out pathetically 'stop, stop, stop. Please stop!!'
Here comes the Buddhist monk's turn. He asks for no protection, for pain is in the mind, he will hide behind nothing, and his body would endure any torment!
1...2...3... And he grits his teeth...4...5...6... Tears could be seen in his eyes...7...8...9...10... There is snot coming out of his nose and his back is badly mutilated. But he made it.
Now it's the American's turn. He is asked, by Satan, what does he choose to protect his back. The American ponders for a little while, and then calmly says,
"The monk".
Tiger_Bond
Well-known member
A set of twins inside the womb were having a conversation. The first twin asked the other “what are you going to become when you get out?” the second twin said “a doctor”, with disgust the first twin said “ a DOCTOR!!! why?” He replied “because I want to heal people and maybe find a cure for cancer……” the second twin then asked “why??? What do you want to become when you get out?” The first twin replied sharply “a kickboxer!!!!” The second twin asked with shock “a kickboxer, why?”
The first twin replied “so I can teach that bald son of a B..ch that comes in and throws 2 punches than spits in our face a lesson”
The first twin replied “so I can teach that bald son of a B..ch that comes in and throws 2 punches than spits in our face a lesson”
Halbrowne61
Well-known member
Why did the transgender man only eat salad ?
Coz he was a herbefore !
Coz he was a herbefore !
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