Things that make you laugh!! 😂

[Pineapple Juice]

View attachment 6533

Been to that.
Left pretty quickly

 

[tiger_one]

Friend of mine installed a new window in a local branch of OPSM, then realised he's got the wrong place.
Should have gone to Specsavers.

 

[tiger_one]

Whenever I go to a psychic, they’re always either angry or depressed.
I’ve never met a happy medium.

 

[tiger_one]

Tripped and hit my head on a drum and now I think I have percussion.

 

[tiger_one]

I've searched everywhere for an old vinyl U2 album I've got somewhere, but I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For...

 

[cktiger]

A wise person once said:
1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
2. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - priceless.
3. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
4. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between VB, Heineken, Carlsberg & Tooheys. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
5. A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
6. On average, an Australian man under 75 will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese man the same age will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese!

 

[tiger_one]

My local gents hairdresser has been handing out grilled sausages to those waiting for a hair cut.
Best barber queue I've been to in ages.

 

[cktiger]

A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth & a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his cheque

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job, I don't like taking advantage of the System, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his brand new Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply all of your clothes."

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her 20's and has a strong sex drive.

The guy, wide-eyed, said,"You're bullshittin' me???"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it.

 

[AmericanHistoryX]

 

[Tucker]

During the prostate exam the doctor tried to relax his patient.
Doctor: Hey mate do you want to see a magic trick?
Patient: Yeah sure.
Doctor: Can you feel my finger up your arse?
Patient: I can but it’s not too painful…
Doctor raises both his hands into the air and says “ta-da”!

 

[AmericanHistoryX]

Ta da..... you can get a job in Wests Tigers office. You made it.

 

[AmericanHistoryX]

Is that a litte funny? Anyone?

 

[tiger_one]

​

My wife found out I was cheating when she found letters I'd been hiding.
She got mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me again!

 

[426Tlgerland]

Cowboys and Val Homes joint press statement
it’s not Drugs
it’s for my diabetes when my sugar level runs a little low
nothing to see hear .
Val will get a blood test to prove it once he returns from Thailand in 4 weeks time 😁

 

[jadtiger]

Cowboys and Val Homes joint press statement
it’s not Drugs
it’s for my diabetes when my sugar level runs a little low
nothing to see hear .
Val will get a blood test to prove it once he returns from Thailand in 4 weeks time 😁

All my doctors have told me suck lollies if i ever am having a hypo (diabetic needing a sugar hit ) although what he is saying is quite plausable as he would use a large amount of energy in a game

 

[AmericanHistoryX]

I think I have diabetes. Where can I get some of this in a satchel like his?

 

[tiger_one]

Why does the Swedish navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

 

[tiger_one]

What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.

 

[jadtiger]

Why does the Swedish navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

That is so bad it is good

 

[jadtiger]

4 People in my immediate family have diabetes (Not me)
And I've never seen anything in a baggy like that....

I am a diabetic and although i do not carry anything like that with me i have met a few fellow diabetics that do instead of lollies(sugar sachets).That does not mean it was sugar or that i believe him, but from experience i know it is possible that it was.