Things that make you laugh!! 😂

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

The worst combination of illnesses is Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

Never break someone’s heart because they only have one. Instead, break their bones because they have an extra 206 of them.

 

[TopTiger]

I'm skeptical about anyone claiming to do yoga every day, in my opinion it is a bit of a stretch.

 

[tiger_one]

My wife threatened to leave me because of my obsession with optical illusions.
I said: "Wait! This isn't what you think it is!

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? A $100 bill

 

[uuem]

Everybody told Sam not to sing!
But Samsung anyway.

 

[TopTiger]

Last night I had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda, it was more of a fanta sea than dream.

 

[tiger_one]

Your honor, my client pleads the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift.
Jury: Hallelujah.

 

[TopTiger]

I was dating a Swiss girl and when I visited her home town in Switzerland I decided to break up with her, there were just too many red flags.

 

[tiger_one]

My wife left me because I’m obsessed with Africa.
Kenya believe it? This divorce is Ghana be so hard on our son Chad. It is all so Sudan.

 

[TopTiger]

My wife still thinks I'm sexy as everytime I walk by her she says what an ass!

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

My son asked me what it is like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

Getting married is a lot like going out to eat with friends. You order what you want but, when you see what someone else has, you want that instead.

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

A couple are on a date at a fancy restaurant. The woman tells the man to say something to her that will get her heart racing. He replies, "I forgot my wallet."

 

[Tiger_Fanatic3]

What's the difference between love and marriage? Love is one long, sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

 

[TopTiger]

I read a fascinating book about a basement voted as the greatest basement in the world, it was a best cellar.

 

[tiger_one]

I just bought a pair of Meatloaf undies.
On the front it says "I will do anything for love"
And on the back it says "But I won't do that"

 

[TopTiger]

Just remember when you are dead you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid.

 

[TopTiger]

Two whales, a female and a male whale were swimming off the Japanese coast when they noticed a whaling boat. The male whale recognised the boat as the same one that had harpooned his dad years ago.

The male whale suggested to the female whale to both swim under the boat and use their blow holes to tip the boat over and sink it. They did this and it worked but as the ship was going down the crew had jumped into the water and were swimming to the shore. The male whale then wanted the female whale to chase the crew with him and eat the crew as revenge for killing his dad.

The female whale then stated I agreed to the blow j0b but I am not going to swallow seamen!