The victims of infidelity ie wives, husbands, partners often suffer from PTSD as a consequence of the behaviour associated with this type of betrayal. Many consider infidelity to be a form of abuse. So I have every sympathy for Phoebe and the distress she is no doubt experiencing. It can take up to 5 years for a victim of infidelity to recover.
Wait what ? How is cheating on your partner abuse ? It’s morally wrong , and breaks your heart , but it’s hardly abuse. That’s ridiculous. It’s not abuse if your feelings are hurt . The world sux sometimes . People are the worst . But you can’t cry ABUSE because someone does something crappy.
There are behaviours associated with infidelity that are clearly forms of abuse. A cycle of behaviour, the so called rinse, wash, repeat is clearly a form of abuse. This type of behaviour impacts the foundations of a relationship and if you have heard of the term gaslighting this can undermine the victims reality and self worth. Gaslighting is often used by a perpetrator to get away with infidelity with 'you're crazy' or "you are making this up'. In a relationship, when your thoughts and feelings aren't validated, this can be incredibly damaging to your sense of reality and self esteem. Often those involved in this behaviour will blame the victim, often termed blame shifting. We often joke cheaters all operate off the same template and because of this their actions are predictable.. A victim needs to get space to see this behavioural pattern.
Yes I know was Gaslighting is . But to imply that cheating is abuse is massive stretch. The behaviours that can be associated for sure , CAN be. When you say things like “my partner abused me by cheating on me” , you start to build a picture that your some kind of victim , when in reality , your Just someone your partner didn’t care about enough to stay faithful , or , the person is zero idea how to be in a committed relationship. You’re not abused. You’re just clearly low on your partner’s priorities. It’s a bit dramatic and Slightly narcissistic to imply that it’s abuse. When in reality , for most people , it’s just flat out denying and aloofness . This obviously doesn’t apply to gaslighting , controlling abusive behaviours.
We need to chill with stuff like this as a society . Were all turning into soft drama queens, looking for our own little slice of victimisation. The partner is a dirtbag . The end. Leave them , or don’t . If you allow it to go on . Then Look in the mirror .
Not soft at all. Emotional trauma can be as damaging as physical trauma. Emasculation, humiliation, betrayal, loss of agency within a relationship, loss of trust and respect are very real. Relate some of the allegations in this article to their impact on Phoebe Burgess?
No , you said cheating was abuse . I’m saying it’s not . I’m saying cheating is a symptom of abuse. Just like all the other toxic behaviour you mentioned. I’m not being insensitive, and not even talking about Phoebe and people in her really bad situation . I’m saying we as a society have started calling what used to be crappy behaviour as abuse . But It’s not . It’s just crap behaviour. There’s nothing more to it . If your feelings get hurt by someone . Your feelings are hurt . That’s it . If someone offends you . They offended you . If your partner cheated , but wasn’t a toxic piece of crap in general , they just didn’t value your relationship , the. Get rid of them or don’t and live that situation.
When people use words like Abuse , it implies a danger , large degrees of trauma , and usually criminal behaviour. None of that applies to things like cheating by itself . Like I said being a douchebag and cheating is not abuse by itself . It’s a symptom amongst others of a more serious issue .
How do you explain victims of infidelity being diagnosed with PTSD? Abuse can be physical or emotional. How can you neatly quarantine infidelity from its impact on victims? It's not possible
What? So everyone who is cheated on is a victim and every person who cheats an abuser? Just because someone gets PTSD doesn’t mean that it’s abuse. It means that they had psychological trauma because it was traumatic for them. There’s a billion reasons why people cheat , not always is it nefarious or referencing a behaviour from a 1930s movie . Just off the top of my head , there’s addiction problems , women becoming asexual after child birth , sexual kinks , disability , staying together for the kids .
I’m not putting a bow on anything , I’m calling people out for thier bull crap. Everybody wants the violins playing for them , and many times it’s just simply causation . There was an action and therefore a reaction .
Your welcome to your view as this is a forum and I am happy to read your posts.
Imo a drunken one night stand is a one off incident. It's not hopefully repeated or a cycle of behaviour and imo while distressing not what I would describe as abuse. If it is a cycle, then I would constitute that as abusing his/her partner.
A husband (in engineering) and his wife (magazine editor) were having difficulties over an extended period. No matter what he did, his wife was not happy. His wife compared him unfavourably to another male (her manager who was married and both couples were friends). He sought counselling and read self help books to improve himself. His wife even suggested he speak with her manager to improve himself!. The breaking point was when he realised that his wife knew he was suffering but didn't care. In a counselling session, he was challenged as to whether his wife could be having an affair. He employed professional assistance to prove his wife and her manager were cheating at every opportunity. He subsequently told friends and family he had been subject to abuse over a two year period including the added humiliation of consulting his wife's manager about their marriage issues. He had his wife served in the foyer of a hotel she and her lover were at for the weekend. When caught, his wife offered the view that it was just sex and didn't mean anything! Ironically, he divorced his wife as her offence against him was too great. He is now seeing the ex wife of his ex wife's affair partner.
Look man , you’re backtracking away from your initial statement that cheating can be seen as a form of abuse . It was a very general statement of which I argued against, as generally I disagree . But I will say if you’re beating your missus , gaslighting her, controlling her with fear , money etc , That’s 100% abuse . But you can’t have it both ways. When the word cheat is said , it’s said in reference to infidelity. There’s no nuance . It’s used for one night stands , shagging your secretary for long periods , having sex with mate from down the footy club lol . What you perceive , is not in actuality how most people see it .
At no point was I defending burgess , if anything , I was defending a lot of people out there , who just think with their privates at times, and now have to live with their screw up .
I am not backtracking. A repeated cycle of infidelity is abuse. The emotional and psychological injury it causes to victims is very real. Gaslighting, blameshifting, the lies, cheating, lack of integrity, morale values all impact victims.
Ok . I think we are lost in translation . Looks like we might be saying the same thing. Either way , Burgess is the kind of dude your family warned your sisters about .
Unfortunately , when dead heads like this guy emerge , it really reinforces all the negative stereotypes about footy players , that guys like Chris Lawrence try and disprove .
