Juro
Well-known member
The NSW Labor Government. You've just got to laugh…
Jokes,Jokes & More Jokes
- Thread starter Aladinsane
- Start date
TigersFan4Life
New member
It was reported today that Tiger Woods will be promoting a new line of golf tees. They're called infideli-tees.
Marshall_magic
New member
@Juro said:
I'm just glad Nathan Rees-igned
yeah…I'll show myself to the exit :blush:
Russel Crowe was in Iraq shooting a film & watched the local rugby league. He found this fantastic kid & decided to take him to Souths.
He convinced Taylor to blood him on the bench. Souths were down & needed 3 tries with 10 minutes left. Taylor thought, what the heck.. I'll bring on the youngster its worth a shot.
The kid comes on & does the unthinkable. With blistering speed & skill, he tears apart the opposition. He scores the 3 tries to win the game singlehandedly.
Later that day in all excitement, he rings home to his mum to share the great news. "Guess what mum! I got to play football today. We needed 3 tries to win and they put me on the field. I scored the 3 tries & won the game for the team all on my own! Everybody here loves me & Im the local hero!"
His mum replies, "Let me tell you about my day then here at home, son. Your father was mugged.. TWICE! and was shot at. I was on my way to the shops and somebody stole all the groceries & held a knife to my throat stealing all our money. As for your sister, she was raped & has been tortured. "
The son replied, "Im really sorry to hear that mum, its terrible news".
His mother protests, "Why did they make us move to Redfern anyway?!!"
He convinced Taylor to blood him on the bench. Souths were down & needed 3 tries with 10 minutes left. Taylor thought, what the heck.. I'll bring on the youngster its worth a shot.
The kid comes on & does the unthinkable. With blistering speed & skill, he tears apart the opposition. He scores the 3 tries to win the game singlehandedly.
Later that day in all excitement, he rings home to his mum to share the great news. "Guess what mum! I got to play football today. We needed 3 tries to win and they put me on the field. I scored the 3 tries & won the game for the team all on my own! Everybody here loves me & Im the local hero!"
His mum replies, "Let me tell you about my day then here at home, son. Your father was mugged.. TWICE! and was shot at. I was on my way to the shops and somebody stole all the groceries & held a knife to my throat stealing all our money. As for your sister, she was raped & has been tortured. "
The son replied, "Im really sorry to hear that mum, its terrible news".
His mother protests, "Why did they make us move to Redfern anyway?!!"
The Cronulla Sharks squad just finished their pre training pep talk from Ricky. Words like passion, respect and pride were evident. The boys were pumped, ready to train the hardest they had all season.
Finally Ricky said, "ok boys take your usual positions on the field"!
…The players then grouped up and stood in their in-goal...
Finally Ricky said, "ok boys take your usual positions on the field"!
…The players then grouped up and stood in their in-goal...
Marshall_magic
New member
The Sharks and Dragons were ready for their huge block buster. The Dragons ran out to a 42-0 halftime lead. At halftime Wayne Bennett was confident enough to tell the boys to go to the pub immediately. They left Jamie Soward and Brett Morris to finish off the second half.
An hour later, at the pub, Soward and Morris show up. Dean Young asks what the full time score way. Soward says 42-40\. Young asks what happened, and Soward tells him, Morris got sent off after 2 minutes, and he was sent 4 minutes later.
An hour later, at the pub, Soward and Morris show up. Dean Young asks what the full time score way. Soward says 42-40\. Young asks what happened, and Soward tells him, Morris got sent off after 2 minutes, and he was sent 4 minutes later.
Aladinsane
New member
**Teacher:** "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
**Teacher:** "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
**Teacher:** "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
**Teacher:** "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
**Teacher:** "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before. Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy.”
"That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b!tches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
**Teacher:** "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
**Teacher:** "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
**Teacher:** "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
**Teacher:** "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before. Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy.”
"That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b!tches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
Aladinsane
New member
**Getting Old Jokes**
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Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks,
"Who drives you to the beach?"
____________________
\
\
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not
blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said:
"Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
____________________
\
\
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and
thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the
size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
____________________
\
\
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it! I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection. The light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay close attention.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they blew right through it. She turned to the other woman and said,
"Mildred! Did you know that you ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh Sh1t..! Am I driving..?"
\
\
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks,
"Who drives you to the beach?"
____________________
\
\
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not
blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said:
"Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
____________________
\
\
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and
thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the
size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
____________________
\
\
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it! I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection. The light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay close attention.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they blew right through it. She turned to the other woman and said,
"Mildred! Did you know that you ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh Sh1t..! Am I driving..?"
Marshall_magic
New member
@Aladinsane said:
I heard that joke, except it was the Asian's who kept getting the questions right. Johnny yells out "bloody asians" and then says it was Pauline Hanson. Prefer this ending though.
Aladinsane
New member
<big>**Little Johnny Jokes**</big>
Little Johnny's at it again…... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'ABC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Little Johnny asked, " Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "
\
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Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the washing machine repair guy wants to buy Mom ..'
Little Johnny's at it again…... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'ABC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Little Johnny asked, " Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "
\
\
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the washing machine repair guy wants to buy Mom ..'
Aladinsane
New member
**GOLF JOKES**
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A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few
minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the
second hole and he's coming to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here," she asks..
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through.
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks,
"What are you going to use on this hole my son?"
The young man says, "An 8-iron, father.. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church,
when we pray, we keep our head down."
\
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Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a
bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.
The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes " says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"
Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts
her hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times….. just put me down for a five."
\
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A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball
into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees
he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree,
bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"
The bride was escorted down the aisle, and when she reached the altar,
the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said "What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
\
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A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few
minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the
second hole and he's coming to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here," she asks..
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through.
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks,
"What are you going to use on this hole my son?"
The young man says, "An 8-iron, father.. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church,
when we pray, we keep our head down."
\
\
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a
bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.
The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes " says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"
Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts
her hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times….. just put me down for a five."
\
\
A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball
into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees
he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree,
bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"
The bride was escorted down the aisle, and when she reached the altar,
the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said "What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
Aladinsane
New member
**LIttle Sally**
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Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her
face and told her mother,
"Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground".
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut".
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, "Really, small, was it?"
Sally replied,
"No….....Salty"
\
\
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her
face and told her mother,
"Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground".
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut".
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, "Really, small, was it?"
Sally replied,
"No….....Salty"
Tommy Magpie
Active member
What's the difference between a Manly supporter and a bucket of s**t?
The bucket.
The bucket.
A
alien
Guest
@Tommy Magpie said:
I like it.
Marshall_magic
New member
The Bulldogs signed up a new guy from war-torn Africa. They flew him over, because they thought he would be a superstar in Rugby League. He played his first game where he was Man of the match, scoring 5 tries, and laying on another 4\. He imediately called his mum to tell her the good news.
She replied "That's good that you had a good day. Your dad was shot, your sister was abducted, your brother was bashed and my car was stolen."
He replied "Ok, I think that's partially my fault."
"It's all your fault," said his mum, "If it wasn't for you we wouldn't have moved to Bankstown."
She replied "That's good that you had a good day. Your dad was shot, your sister was abducted, your brother was bashed and my car was stolen."
He replied "Ok, I think that's partially my fault."
"It's all your fault," said his mum, "If it wasn't for you we wouldn't have moved to Bankstown."
Aladinsane
New member
**The Lion Tamer** ….
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion, he ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet..
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old golfer replies,
"No problem, just get that lion out of there.
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion, he ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet..
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old golfer replies,
"No problem, just get that lion out of there.
B
Butso
Guest
There is a new crisis in the Middle East.
Apparently, the Flintstones has been banned from TV there.
A spokesperson from Dubai said: "The people from Dubai may not have that kind of sense of humour, but the people from Abu Dabi do".
Apparently, the Flintstones has been banned from TV there.
A spokesperson from Dubai said: "The people from Dubai may not have that kind of sense of humour, but the people from Abu Dabi do".
Aladinsane
New member
A Kiwi was in Australia to watch an upcoming Rugby League Test match, for which he had tickets.
He wasn't feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.
'Hey doc, I dun't feel so good, ey' said Mark.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Mark that he had long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the only cure was testicular removal.
'No way doc' replied Mark 'I'm gitting a sicond opinion !'
The second Aussie doctor gave Mark the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure.
Not surprisingly he refused the treatment.
Mark was devastated, but with the rugby match just around the corner he found an expat Kiwi doctor working in Australia , and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust.
The Kiwi doctor examined him and said:
'Mark Cuzzy Bro, you huv prostate suckness ey'
'What's the cure thin doc ?' asked Mark hoping for a different answer.
'Wull, Mark', said the Kiwi doctor 'Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls.'
'Phew, thunk god for thut!' said Mark,
'those Aussie bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!'
He wasn't feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.
'Hey doc, I dun't feel so good, ey' said Mark.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Mark that he had long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the only cure was testicular removal.
'No way doc' replied Mark 'I'm gitting a sicond opinion !'
The second Aussie doctor gave Mark the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure.
Not surprisingly he refused the treatment.
Mark was devastated, but with the rugby match just around the corner he found an expat Kiwi doctor working in Australia , and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust.
The Kiwi doctor examined him and said:
'Mark Cuzzy Bro, you huv prostate suckness ey'
'What's the cure thin doc ?' asked Mark hoping for a different answer.
'Wull, Mark', said the Kiwi doctor 'Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls.'
'Phew, thunk god for thut!' said Mark,
'those Aussie bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!'
Aladinsane
New member
**The Harley & The Vasoline**
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the Bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house,
Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who Says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'
'No problem,' he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a Huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom..
'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, Total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket…
Suddenly the father shouted....'I'll do the f****** dishes!!!
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the Bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house,
Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who Says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'
'No problem,' he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a Huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom..
'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, Total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket…
Suddenly the father shouted....'I'll do the f****** dishes!!!
