Delving deep inside Wests Ashfield

The Election of the Supreme Chief:

When selecting a new Board Chairman, the 20 debenture holders gather around the sacred 1965 Keno drum. They place twenty numbered ping-pong balls inside, spin the chamber three times, and whichever number drops into the brass chute must immediately assume total, unchallenged governance of the football club for the next thirty years.
 
FinestTigers said:
The Election of the Supreme Chief:

When selecting a new Board Chairman, the 20 debenture holders gather around the sacred 1965 Keno drum. They place twenty numbered ping-pong balls inside, spin the chamber three times, and whichever number drops into the brass chute must immediately assume total, unchallenged governance of the football club for the next thirty years.
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Let me guess,every single ping pong ball has the same name on it written in crayon.
 
FinestTigers said:
Corporate Sponsorship Conflict:

A global tech giant offers $2 million to be the primary chest sponsor on the jersey. HBG politely declines, explaining that the front of the jersey is permanently reserved for the Wests Ashfield $15 Roast Dinner Special because software comes and goes, but roast lamb with mint sauce is forever.
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This one had me lol... tried to explain it to the mrs, just didnt land the same 😂😂
 
The Departure of Ivan Cleary (The Miracle Escape):
When Ivan Cleary famously invoked his 'bus' metaphor to depart early for Penrith, HBG didn't view it as a contractual breach. Deep in the Ashfield archives, the event is recorded as 'The Great Schism of 2018.' Legend holds that Ivan slipped past venue security disguised as a laundry attendant, jumped the back fence into a waiting getaway car, and fled west to Penrith, Attached to the claim from 2017 is that Ivan Cleary’s entire defensive structure was copied directly from an old napkin drawing made by a debenture holder which he used to instantly win four consecutive premierships.
 
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The Investment Priority:
A financial analyst attempts to explain the returns on high-performance sports science technology versus physical asset acquisition. Debenture Holder #7 cuts him off, A $100,000 sports science software suite depreciates to zero in three years. A $100,000 commercial deep fryer in the Ashfield kitchen will generate 40,000 baskets of hot chips and outlive three head coaches. We will invest in the fryer.
 
To some of those who are wondering and asking, mine are not memes like the ones in the "Things that make you laugh thread:.

Here's the real story.
Mine are 100% home brewed.
Some of which were discovered in mid August, when Contractors were removing old wood panelling behind a bar at Wests Ashfield Leagues Club, it was part of a routine renovation to clear space for a new keno screen.

A carpenter when using his crowbar accidentally but luckily for us struck and discovered an old fireproof safe painted in faded Magpie black and white.

Inside this safe is a treasure of club history some of which even contains the archives of the late and great Tommy Raudonikis, which had a brass tag on it that read: "PROPERTY OF FOOTBALL OPERATIONS – DO NOT TOUCH WITHOUT AUTHORISATION (THIS MEANS YOU, REFEREES).
 
The year is 1998. The setting is the Wests Ashfield Leagues Club. The air smells heavily of stale Carlton Draught, deep fried dim sims, and liniment.

Tommy Raudonikis, wearing a tracksuit that looks like it has been through three distinct house fires, is pacing in front of a whiteboard. On the left side of the room sit the Magpies players, looking exhausted and mildly terrified. On the right side sit three elderly debenture holders, clutching their lifetime club membership passes like holy relics.

Tommy: (Slamming a roll of sticky tape onto the table) Alright, quiet down! Settle! First off, debenture holders, welcome. Thanks for coming out. I know you blokes haven't paid for a schooner since the Whitlam government, but we need your support today.

Debenture Holder #1 (Ethel, 82): Tommy, the air conditioning in the poker machine lounge is blowing straight onto my neck. It’s affecting my circulation.

Tommy: Ethel, with all due respect, if your circulation was any worse, you'd be playing prop for us on Saturday. Now shush, I’m giving a team talk
 
The Rozelle Debt-Relief Thanksgiving Mass:
Every year on the anniversary of the merger, the 20 debenture holders gather in the Ashfield cellar for a solemn candlelit ceremony. They raise a glass of house draft to a framed photo of the abandoned Rozelle site, bow their heads, and recite the Sacred Liturgy, Blessed be the fallen tiger, for without his unpaid loans, we would never have secured an unchallengeable 90% voting bloc over the joint-venture corporate board. Amen.
 
cktiger said:
They are effectively putting the boot into their own club… and forgetting history.
Without Balmain then Wests were gone… for good.
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Ahh, that point is brought up, here's another point without WA Balmain would be dead and buried after they went bankrupt. Geez, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Both
are correct.
 
magpies forever said:
Ahh, that point is brought up, here's another point without WA Balmain would be dead and buried after they went bankrupt. Geez, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Both
are correct.
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I never said it wasn’t.
I was responding to a post about old Magpies who seemingly refuse to accept the first fact.
 
cktiger said:
I never said it wasn’t.
I was responding to a post about old Magpies who seemingly refuse to accept the first fact.
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I accept it, the enforced merger experiment via ARL was a bad time. Forced mergers for more than a few clubs, in many cases hostile takeovers. Magpies- Tigers- Wests Tigers is probably the only case I can think of where the weaker partner in the merge has survived whilst the stronger partner has gone belly up. In the others I can think of Illawarra and North Sydney they disappeared.

Edit- I still think the NRL can take the opportunity to cut a Sydney team and promote another outside the greater Sydney area. They're still keen on other areas coming in.
 
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FinestTigers said:
The Rozelle Debt-Relief Thanksgiving Mass:
Every year on the anniversary of the merger, the 20 debenture holders gather in the Ashfield cellar for a solemn candlelit ceremony. They raise a glass of house draft to a framed photo of the abandoned Rozelle site, bow their heads, and recite the Sacred Liturgy, Blessed be the fallen tiger, for without his unpaid loans, we would never have secured an unchallengeable 90% voting bloc over the joint-venture corporate board. Amen.
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No no no no.
You totally missed the incompetence and begging.
The ruthless reaming of the club . . . when it was already bleeding to death . . . by one of it's own famous sons.
The ineptitude.
The ingratitude.
I assume you've forgotten all that ?
Look it up . . . coz you won't get any reality if it goes against Balmain on here bud.
Then do that one, and see if your band of brothers have the same laughs.
Sorry for bringing reality into your lil cartoonies.
 
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